A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world.
Plan-kay? Plank? Plahnk?
Apparently a new “wine drinkers’ clubhouse” is set to open in East London called “Planque” although at this time, it’s completely unknown as to how that name is pronounced. According to a drawing by the owner’s six-year old child it will have, “A bar thing, and a drinking place, and chairs, and more chairs, and some other things too!” An enthralled drinking public awaits.
Space wine, the new underwater wine
As has been widely reported, a case of 2000 Château Pétrus went up to the International Space Station stayed a bit, and then came back down. It was then tasted and the results show that it is indeed, “different”. As was stated in a previous edition of Cul de Cuvée, underwater aging has to date, been the hottest aging gimmick since the Georgian kvevri was rediscovered. Space aging is set to open up a whole new era of making wine expensive for inane reasons and apparently Rudy Kurniawan has reportedly been looking into how to simulate space ageing without the space part.
More actors set to clean up wine’s filth factor
A new “cruelty free” “vegan wine” has been launched by out-of-work actors. According to the press releases “borrowed” from Cameron Diaz, it will also be “low calorie” and targeted at the “plant-based wine market” which, as we all know, has been historically underserved due to the overabundance of cheap, animal-derived wines.
Texas wine is big says some wine competition
Congratulations are being given for Texas wines winning several medals in the San Francisco Chronicle Wine Competition. If this competition sounds familiar, it’s the same one that awarded a “Best in Show” to a sparkling wine from Château Trump.
Your booze knows you better than you know yourself
Bartenders have let it be known that you are stereotyped based upon the drinks that you order. So for everyone ordering a Long Island Iced Tea believing that it “expresses core botanicals and terroir”, professionals are encouraging you to switch up to something less douche-y.
That’s it for this week. If you’ve got anything hot and burning, then you might want to seek professional help or possibly send it to firstname.lastname@example.org for publication consideration.