Cul de Cuvée 07-05-2022

by  |  07-05-2022  |  3 Comments

A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world.

In bubbly-treason news, it appears that Anatoly Shariy won’t be enjoying much Cava any time soon. The Ukrainian who seemed to have no problem being on the Putin Payroll and spreading Russian propaganda was arrested near Tarragona, Catalunya where he spends most of his time in a completely un-shocking luxury home. He’s going to be extradited back to Ukraine and charged with treason. Cul de Cuvée would have asked him for comment but his body of “work” speaks for itself.

Yesterday was apparently Sauvignon Blanc Day. Again. Because… Christ, why? Does anyone have their alarm set for Assyrtiko Day?

Cocaine was found in a coffee shipment to Switzerland when, as we all know, cocaine shipments are supposed to go to the US. Undoubtedly heads will roll when they find out who made that clerical error at head office in the cartel.

While it’s well-known that wine is ideally the best way to store grapes, it appears in Afghanistan, they have other methods that will blow your freakin’ mind.

There’s a future wine critic in the making as a seven year-old totally chugged her communion wine like a hero. By the time she’s nine, she’ll have learned how to request being paid her day rate and all travel expenses by a region to cover them. Watch this one.

In the Quest for the Northernmost Vineyard, some dudes have planted one up in Norway. Oh, think that’s north-y do you, well, Haula Vingård is even northern-er. The Norwegians are very tightlipped but it’s whispered that the secret, is in proper fjord selection.

While no one wants to be watching the Heard/Depp trial, it’s come to light that Amber Heard drinks Vega Sicilia. This would show that great taste in wine doesn’t translate into great taste in partners, nor in fashion.

Someone has decided that this summer is all about the white Cabernet Franc which is to say red Cabernet Franc made into a white wine. This has the same vibe as when all the cool kids were swallowing Tide Pods for reasons that have yet to be explained.

The 2017 Food & Wine sommelier of the year and serial arsonist, Caleb Ganzer has been handed a light slap on the wrist for lighting his neighboring competition on fire, literally. What’s next for other Food & Wine sommeliers of the year? Serial sex offenses? Oh, right…

It seems the seven year-old’s wine critic future might not actually be that bright after all given that scientists have created Artificial Intelligence that can write wine reviews. Thankfully they weren’t using their time for useless things like curing cancer or refactoring the human genome to survive solely on pasta. It would however be great if someone could fix the Suckling Bot given that it just keeps spitting out 95 points for everything.

And lastly, have you become a total wine snob? Most probably!

For better of for worse, that’s it for this week.

Comments

3 responses to “Cul de Cuvée 07-05-2022”

  1. Dan Roy says:

    Thanks Miguel! That was my laugh of the month! If a little communion wine makes you holy what the does the whole chalice do??
    Thanks for sharing – made my saturday!!

  2. Nicholas Hesford says:

    Very interesting. However although Amber heard may have a poor taste in partners, the general consensus is that her ex husband has a far worse one.

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