A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world.

The search for mother’s little helper

Ever wonder what your mom is looking for in a sparkling wine? To drink every day? This article delves deep into the heart-wrenching search that is finding that extra special bottle for mom to get loaded on, regularly. If you don’t tear up after reading this, you’re a monster, or you have a mother that prefers soup.

Nothin’ says wine like a hike and a bowl

If it happens to be the fact that you’ve a mother who, while enjoying wine, can also get her soup on, then a Michigan winery is here to help. They’re now offering a blend of ski and soup weekends that one would assume to contain some wine as well. This just may be the family activity you never thought you needed but won’t be able to live without, that is if you manage to survive such a diverse group of activities without killing one another. (May require travel to Michigan, in winter)

Gettin’ Saucy

Claire Wyckoff, well-known “dick runner” and general lamenter on the current state of civilization, has released a new proposal for the Sauce Sommelier and it is as intriguing as it sounds, especially the blends.

Ain’t paying more for no pints

With minimum pricing laws having just come into effect in Ireland, an enterprising fellow has bought himself a year’s supply of beer. Deft mathematicians out there will note that this adds up to only 400 cans of beer or about one per day which, given the setting of Ireland makes one wonder if this is indeed, #fakenews?

Don’t look stoopid in wine

Wine is intimidating. After being eaten by a shark and flattened by a cartoon piano, most people state “choosing wine at a restaurant” as their biggest fear according to a survey that absolutely no one ever did. Despite that, here’s a pretty decent list of how not to look stupid when ordering wine with the most salient point in the batch being, “‘good’ wine is whatever wine you like”. Unless it’s Merlot in which case, fuck you, unless you’re opening a bottle of Château Pétrus in which case, hello there my new best friend.

If you blink, you’ll miss it

A radar camera in the Priorat County clocked a speedy individual roaring past the vineyards at a cool 194 kph in a zone where the limit is 90kph. Someone was definitely in a hurry to get the hell outta wine country, possibly fearing another horrid film was in the making–a justified concern.

Faking your Bourbons

Just to show that wine isn’t anything special, there’s been a massive uptick in the amount of fake Bourbon whiskey being sold online to otherwise unsuspecting customers since there’s really zero fraud prevention in the brown stuff currently. Also just to show that they’re not limited to selling fraudulent wine, auction house, Acker, has been selling fake Bourbon as well.

No Pinot country for old Merlot

Oregon has decided to grow a pair and decided that flauncy(*) vanity license plates with a wine country theme simply can’t say “Merlot” on them in any form. Clearly, the uncivilized world of Twitter has spilled into the mainstream vanity license plate world. A sad day indeed.

“Free” is just a state of mind

Of course finally, there’s the age-old question that no one should be asking, which is, where can I get free wine education? This goes out to all the people who plan to take the time to study wine and pay the prices needed to buy wine, but dangit, why pay for anything educational? Why? Because you get exactly what you pay for in wine education.

* ‘flauncy’ is not an actual word, but it very much should be

For better of for worse, that’s it for this week!

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