A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world.
Get that dog a koala
It appears that now whilst watching your dog, you can also be looking at some random dog on your wine produced in Australia as apparently, “80% of UK wine drinkers love dogs”. The other 20%? Serial killers, obviously.
In case you were wondering why Vladimir Putin has now been credited with inventing Champagne as well as isolating complex yeast strains from saccharomyces, it’s because Russian sommeliers are being paid to edit Wikipedia. Nothing says free knowledge like state-sponsored knowledge.
Taking on water
Did someone say something about aging wine under the sea? Get out of town! No one has ever, given that a try before. If you’ve missed out on the opportunity to taste these specific wines, don’t worry, there will always be more!
Proving that it’s not just the Florida Man that can make news, this lucky-to-be-alive human admits that she’d had one too many glasses of the vino prior to making a fresh run to Target. As to whether she was on her way to buy more vino or Swiffer WetJet pads was unknown at this time.
Gimme wine, stoopid
In following with the general trend of there being “too many experts”, people have started to balk at having too many of those facty things around when it comes to wine. Watch out sommeliers, your days would be numbered if you weren’t already out of work due to the pandemic.
Going out in style
If you’re a betting person and placed your money on the CEO of a rum company dying via “attempting a backflip on a balcony” at a concert, you’d be right. You’d also be one fucking macabre weirdo.
Plavac Mali be here
What’s a Plavac Mali? Where’s a Plavac Mali? Who’s a Plavac Mali? The answer to all those questions and more has now been met via the new Plavac Mali Day which celebrates Croatia’s most famous grape that no one has heard of due to it being one of those danged “facty things”.
More minus than D
Apparently, some people like neither green eggs and ham nor effin’ “clean” wine and gave a low-ass score to Ms. Diaz and Power’s adventure in being, hmmm… “vintners”. Not shocking given the lengths they went to in order to hide the source of the wine for a reason only they shall ever know.
Bubbles go flat in Champagne
Following along with the theme in most of France of 2021 being a “Shat Vintage”, Champagne has reported that production will be down 60%. For those who may have actually reviewed the “facty things”, this was the age-old reason Champagne houses hold reserve wine given that it saves le cul in such years as these.
That’s it for this week. If you’ve got anything hot and burning, then you might want to seek professional help or possibly send it to firstname.lastname@example.org for publication consideration.
I note yet again that you personally are not only a purveyor of “facty things” but of a finely honed sarcasm. Keep it up.
Ha ha, thanks.