Cul de Cuvée 11-06-2022
by Miquel Hudin | 11-06-2022
A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world served up “mostly fresh” for your enjoyment.
Well Sue Gray really put the “downer” in Downing Street as now that her full report on “Partygate” has been released into the wild, the cerebral nexus of the Prime Ministership in the UK has said, no more Wine Time Fridays. As if that wasn’t bad enough, apparently some staff are starting to sober up and realize that they are in fact still working for Boris Johnson.
In the Department of OMG That Hurt, Eritrean cyclist, Biniam Girmay damned-near put out his eye with a Prosecco cork. As they always train you in sommelier classes for sparkling wine service, “Thumb on top. Thumb. On. Fucking. Top.”
Fresh off the presses of the Whaddya Know Daily comes word of Ohio wines you must try. Do note that these aren’t just any ole Ohio wines but Northeast Ohio wines. Regardless of the as-of-yet-uncertain quality level, one fact clearly remains in that Northeast Ohio needs some design triage, stat.
In the latest issue of Jealous State Monthly, someone is feeling that Ohio is getting too much “state fame” and so the first avocado wine has been made in Florida. As a polite but firm reminder, “wine” can only actually be made from grapes and more importantly, it should also taste good.
There is in fact some good news in from California which doesn’t involve Gavin Newsom’s hair. The state government has approved a bill that will allow wine bottle reuse. It’s about damned time as extremely qualified publications have been asking about this for nigh on the last decade.
Keeping up with Ukrainian wine, there’s a new work getting more exposure for wineries from the country looking to export more of their production in these difficult times and who might not have import representation. That may just be 8,000 bottles, but it was a tremendous effort to move it. On a related note, the war in Ukraine is impeding German brewer’s access to bottles and they’re pleading with people to bring back their empties, which is something we should have been doing all along (looking at you, California).
It would seem that wine can reduce dementia and on a related note, wine can reduce tumor risks. Next we’ll be hearing about how it actually improves one’s ability to drive a car and operate machinery such is the current state of our topsy turvy world. Is there anything this wonder liquid can’t do?
Kylie Minogue has released her wine brand in the US which is smashing and Can’t Get You Out Of My Head-y. The more important note in this press release is that her lawyers fought off a trademark dispute with Kylie Jenner of Kardashian “fame” by stating, “Jenner as a ‘secondary reality television personality’ compared to Minogue, who was described as an ‘internationally-renowned performing artist, humanitarian and breast cancer activist known worldwide simply as Kylie’.” Lawyers have never spoken such sexy words since the short-lived and highly erotic, “Legal Briefs” on FOX Broadcasting which may or may not have actually existed.
Much like how Morocco was at the forefront of wine production decades ago and now isn’t, Algeria was much the same and this long read gives a great account of how the industry has fared over the years.
In Keeping up with Enotourism, we note that as part of Airbnb’s general plan to “really fuck up everything nice”, they’ve now introduced a vineyard category to rentals meaning that yes, you can stay in a vineyard. Is it only a matter of time until we have vineyards that are used to produce no wine and are instead just for Instagram “I Live Here Now” posts? Yes, yes it is.
And of course this week, we learned that super couple, Shakira and Gerard Piqué have split. Most are wanting to point to Piqué having affairs on the side which is a reasonable explanation. But, as any keen reader of the CdC knows, the real answer is that it was the fucking boars that stole her purse and she’d clearly had enough of their aggressive moves. She’s not alone and to remind us of the lurking, unspoken threat they pose, one boar bastard came up out of the sea in Valencia to attack otherwise docile beachgoers. More info should be viewed here and note that this is not the first time one has risen from the sea. If boars can destroy Shakira and Piqué from potential nautical positions, then no one is safe.
Until we meet again in the cul of the cuvée.