A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random recent bits from around the wine and drink world.
The hottest photos
Tired of putting what you think are your best photos out there, only to see few likes in return? Well relax because you’ve probably got lurkers by the truckload. Also, maybe your photos just suck? If it’s a heavy dump of #2, then have a look at this handy guide. Once you’ve absorbed all that, then do what the professionals do to get likes: buy them.
Say it with rosé
Hot on the heels (three years later) of Kendall-Jackson trying to get a white wine emoji, now an Italian consortium is looking to add a rosé emoji to the Unicode system. While it’s a laudable effort to broaden the wine color spectrum when not wanting to type, this publication will stick to the eyeroll emoji.
Hands off the juice, bro
If traveling across the United States, have you ever wondered, “Huh, why does my favorite supermarket wine cost more in this state than another?” Well, you’re in luck as wine taxes have been compiled and… holy crap Kentucky, do you prefer people pound the moonshine instead of wine?!! $3.23 a gallon?!! That’s more expensive than gasoline! No wonder everyone goes to California because it has: coast, mansplaining tech bros, and a mere $0.20 per gallon tax.
That’s the bad booze
As a sad reminder, people need to again be told that it’s ethanol, not methanol that the human body can absorb. Dump methanol in a wine, even a humble rice wine, and tragedies like this happen which could have otherwise been totally avoided.
Speaking of methanol, now the only Champagne in Russia that can be called, “Champagne” in Russia will be Russian? In case that doesn’t make sense, it will be labeled as shampanskoye which in Old Slavic translates to “largescale sham of… ‘skoye'”.
Forbes.com click bait article redacted Move along
Wine is for losers
Altria, whose website slogan actually is, “Moving Beyond Smoking” made the bold decision that to move away from being known as a company selling cancer sticks and cancer pipes and cancer gum, they’re getting rid of their very successful wine division for a cool billion and a half buckos. Well paid death dealers, well played.
Gimme a ‘B’! Gimme an OIV!
In a move to apparently make the OIV seem less Frenchie, France is moving its headquarters from Paris to either Burgundy or Bordeaux. When asked for comment, authorities in both regions said, “We welcome the move, but the Parisians currently in the office can stay right where they fucking are.”
May the Riesling be with you
Ever wondered why so many shits are given about Riesling? You’re not alone and the Finger Lakes is going to be holding a Riesling conference to answer any questions you may not have come up with yet. Looks to be a fantastic event for anyone who hasn’t been sommsplained about this “unsung” variety yet. For those who can’t attend, please watch from afar.
A new wrinkle in the Pitt-Jolie Divorce has come up (yet, it’s apparently still in process) in that Angelina would kindly like out of the winery whereas Brad wants to be all in, featuring him in ads of a wrong-side-of-50 year-old, posing around a pool with bottles of wine in a manner that looks more weird uncle just mowed his lawn after lunch, than sex symbol. Will this spell the end of the incredibly successful Château Miraval brand? As long as we have summers, no, because rosé is summer wine and thanks to Climate Change, summers are here to stay. Hard eyeroll emoji.
That’s it for this week. If you’ve got anything hot and burning, then you might want to seek professional help or possibly send it to firstname.lastname@example.org for publication consideration.