A bluntly-curated selection of absolutely random bits from around the world of drink. Always served up “mostly fresh” for your enjoyment.

Well it just wouldn’t be spring without a bit of “booze doubt” being dumped down our gullets. Given that, here we head back into the debate about alcohol consumption, because now it’s back on to the, “so evil and never healthy” kick. As wine-drinking writer and exceedingly-funny person, Brandy Jensen said, “…it’s not like I ever really believed drinking was good for me I just do it anyways.” And we now know that people were indeed getting high 3,000 years ago just ’cause it felt good.

It appears that American store Target (pronounced Targé for those in-the-know) is selling a new line of wines. If Fox News gets wind of this, they’ll be called “Woke Wines” because “woke” is what everything that isn’t steak, whiskey, and regressive politics is these days, I guess. One does wonder however that if the retail price in the US is around eight bucks, where are these wines being sourced and are the people picking the grapes being treated as ethically as one would assume the wines to be?

Because the universe has given up and nothing makes sense anymore, thieves robbed a winery (CA) in the Catalan region of DO Empordà. One was easily caught by the police whilst “crawling under some fir trees” but the other got away… for now. All 28 boxes of the stolen wine were recovered however. As a completely random note, this happens to be a winery owned by the same fellow that owns Can Ràfols del Caus where the Avaline white wine is made. Worth mentioning because… uh… it’s “clean” wine like half the getaway of these thieves?

So it’s Easter tomorrow which means that it’s time for Pedro Pascal as Easter eggs because the world could indeed make more sense, some day.

But, as the world still doesn’t make any sense, a winery in Limoux, France is trying to treat the vine disease esca, by playing music in the vineyard. I wish them the best of luck as blasting Coldplay at my neighbor when he’s “testing” his dirt bike in the evening before his weekend rides seems to have had no effect.

Hot on the heels of electing a right-wine government, it turns out that Italy is selling bazongus amounts of wine to Russia. Italy in fact now comprises 30% of the wine sales to “Putinstan” and seems to feel not a lick of shame about it. This is rather unsurprising as when visiting Oltrepò Pavese last year, one of the winery owners was bitching about shipping issues of his wines to Russia. These also happened to be some of the worst wines I’ve tasted in years, so if there’s any consolation, Russians are getting some of the absolute worst Italian wines which, if you’ve tasted cheap Chianti, you know that’s an unholy torture like no other.

One should ask that if maybe the Italians would just stop with the damned wine frauds, then maybe they’d have to sell to the Orc Republic less? At least these fraud-y bits are shifting around with this one being in Veneto, and not Bordeaux, France for once.

Who knows if the Australians will also start shipping wines to Russia given that they’ve got “wine to sell“. All this is due to China having said, “Bugger off, Mate” to Aussie wine imports. The Australians will of course see themselves in stiff competition as there’s a whole lotta spare wine floating around at the moment and not just because of “Wine bad. Wine kill. Wine go home.” reports.

If one needs to ask when going out for a drink if wine pours are shrinking, then clearly one has not stopped by my house when out.

However, if you do insist on going out, maybe you need to know how to order wine in a restaurant? One key tip according to a Certified Sommelier is, “Trust the staff to help you” because you know, they definitely won’t upsell you on anything to get a bigger tip. I mean, it’s not like tips are out of control or anything!

Lastly, for those who don’t know of it, Burrito Justice was part of the San Francisco Blog Era that ended about the same time everyone got an iPhone. This is worth mentioning as in what’s a true case of “burrito justice”, an arsonist was caught due to DNA left on a burrito at the anti-abortion office he torched. Remember kids, even if people are trying to take away a woman’s sovereignty of her own damned body, that doesn’t mean you get to commit a felony to stop them. If however you don’t listen to these words of caution, for god’s sake don’t leave a partially-eaten burrito at the scene of your crime. That’s the kind of amateur crap they do in Putinstan where people keep falling out of windows: Russia’s silent killers.

Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.


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