There are times I raise my hands to the sky in a great, “Hallejujah!” These times are of course usually preceded by the arrival of my copy of Vice Magazine which strips things down raw, comments on what others avoid, and generally conducts extremely unscientific research that gets written up. It can be rude and definitely uncouth. But mostly, I find it pretty close to the mark on some things.
Such is the case with the latest issue and it’s page with an illustration of a guy that’s trying too hard to be cool in the boundaries of what is cool these days. Namely, he is working at looking white trash. I know this look has been around for awhile in NYC and it seems to have rapidly accelerated into a common trend for guys in SF. So being at the ass end of a fashion trend, we have to deal with everyone else making fun of it right now and rightly so.
I’m not a big fashionista in general, but this latest look flat out pisses me off. For one, any guy that’s doing it is about as cool as any white guy with dreadlocks, in other words, he’s pretty much an ass. Because in addition to dressing, looking, and buying clothes that are full on slob, these guys pay a lot for Pabst Blue Ribbon (“because it’s sooo white trash” (thank you Vice)) with a shot of Jim Beam. Now, this is dumb on many fronts, the least of which actually isn’t how much they’re paying for it because we’re all getting screwed on the price of alcohol in bars (what I pay for two Vodka Martinis will buy me a whole bottle of my very own Vodka.) But what is dumb is that these drinks are shit. We know they’re shit and that’s why we pay for the better stuff. To tear yourself up with this in the name of a look that the people in my jerkwater hometown do without trying is just sad. But then again, paying some god awful amount for a trucker’s hat because Ashton wears one is pretty dumb too.
So as you probably guessed, it’s where I’m from that makes me fume about this latest craze. This “fashion” as some believe it to be has been around for oh… freakin’ decades in my hometown. I think the town charter was written in motor oil that someone scooped out of their hair. When you rent a truck, they ask if you want a dog with it. This thing guys are doing is nothing new and is so reprocessed, it’s fetid. I suppose the only good part about it is that I can generally lump them in to the white folk-dreadlocked crowd because much the same as that group, I have yet to meet anyone who’s even partially cool that dresses like this. Sure, it’s generalizing, but honestly when you’ve grown up (and escaped) a hometown like mine, I think you’re entitled to a bit of this.
This all winds down in to my question of why do people keep finding hicks funny, amuzing, and something of a muse for creation? This is beyond me. I find “King of the Hill” not funny at all. I’ve just known too many people like the folks in that show to be able to get any laughs out of it. The “yokel” is a foreign entity to big city folks it seems and I am one of the chosen few who has walked a country mile and been around the city block, so the stereotypes don’t really make me laugh. Yeah, they’re generally true, albeit over the top, but they’re just not funny.
Enough, make it stop. No more white trash chic. That’s it, where’s my shotgun and drawl…