Yeah, that’s a cruel title, but it’s not mine. Gary Shandling came up with that, who is not really one of the “beautiful people” anyways, but such is the irony of comedy. Basically, his thing is that he says he saw two ugly people kissing and it blows his mind as to how they can constantly do it, because what’s the deal? Are you looking at each other and going “Oh yeah!”? I don’t think so. So why does this happen?
Gary, I don’t know. All I do know is that when a couple hops on the train car and sits across from me in the booth seat and is honestly way too old to be acting like a couple of horny thirteen year-olds under the football bleachers it is a painful thing. But there they were and they just couldn’t stop. And of course I had to wonder how this woman (who really wasn’t unattractive, just older) could be wanting to get in to a deep, everlasting liplock with this guy (who truly looked like he had a face for radio and a body fit for modeling an astronaut suit.)
It got to the point where I had to start acting like a child repressing bad thoughts by closing my eyes and turning my MP3 player up far more than was healthy to try and blot them out. But everytime I would crack my eyes open, there they were getting as close to making the sign of the two-backed beast as was legally possible in public. I’m not one to say there should be laws, but honestly, there should be laws. They were doing it just to torture me, because we got off at the same stop and I got stuck being them on the escalator until I could take no more and made a mad dash up the steps to freedom and much needed fresh air.
In hindsight, I should have said something, but what do you say? “Um, sorry, but your making out is making me nauseous. For the love of all that is holy and natural, please stop.” I think that would have been more cruel (albeit factually more accurate) than what they were visually doing to me.