At some point in the preceding weeks, my in-laws, as loyal newspaper subscribers (yes, they do exist) were “rewarded” with a “free cart of food” from the chain, Condis. I’m not sure about the rest of Catalonia, but in Barcelona, Condis is the most awesome place to shop if you’re a cheap beach tourist slowly destroying the center of the city by renting a cheap place on AirBnb because yes, you are culpable.

But hey, a free cart of groceries is indeed that and while my in-laws didn’t have the touched-by-god presence of Condis in their town, they had us pick up the cart near our apartment. Now, I’ve never observed an autopsy and so I’ve never been privy to what a person’s last meal was, but I’m assuming that what we generally picked up would be what any coroner would label as the definitive cause of death.

There was zero calorie, zero caffeine Coca-Cola (wtf? gimme sugar, gimme caffeine!), Cheetos, Xibeca (some of that is going on the curb; respect, word), milk chocolate with deep fried corn, pre-toasted bread, something that possibly started out its existence as cheese, and a pulverized turkey snack that might be fed to the dog when he’s bad. What else? Well, certainly no vegetables, no fruit, and no meat that has an expiration date before my next rent is due.

There were one or two decent things in there like some tomato sauce that we can use for cooking or one or two cleaning products that infer there may be one or two people who still clean their homes here instead of hiring South American maids (crisis, what’s that?) But, overall, it was repulsive. It’s not just the US that’s going to shit when it comes to diets. It’s happening in Europe as well and this “cart of shame” is essentially what many people here are eating these days. After gazing at this haul again, I need to go wash out my eyeballs with a quality Bourbon (and no, not the Spanish royal family from France…)