Step away from the yam. Step away!

My ever-flowing fount of blog knowledge, #1 Fan, tipped me off to Sleep Talkin’ Man. What this is, is a genius collection of random things some English guy says in sleep that his wife is privy to hear throughout the night.
My parents once had this guest stay at our place during one of their illustrious art shows (bunch of hippies selling crafts in a park) and by day, she seemed like a normal person. By night though, it was a whole different story. She screamed, literally screamed during her sleep. It had to be one of the most terrifying nights of my life listening to such tidbits as, “Get away! No! Stop!” and “Oh god! No! Help me, won’t somebody please help me!”
Thankfully for this wife, it is apparently not nearly so bad. The title of this article was one such gem. Others that I gleaned upon a quick perusal include:
“Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else.”
“Lentils are evil. Pure fucking oozing evil. Take them away from me.”
“I’ve got a really terrible terrible feeling about this custard tart. Terrible.”
“Well if I’m the douchebag, you’re the contents, Titfuck!”
“Look at me, I’m covered in…. what is it? Ewwwww. That’s not nice.”
“Your hands are all fingery fingery.”
“Sigh of a ninja.”
And naturally my favorite, “It’s CHICKEN and you LIKE IT. Lentil-loving, bean burger-shitting wanker.”
To some extent, it reminds me of a Dalí-esque version of ShitMyDadSays. All fun things to do while sitting around, sitting on my thumbs, waiting for my visa to arrive so that I can move on with this year’s plans.