Smaaaarmy

So last night, I went to one of these Scotch tasting things that was put on by Johnnie Walker. I’ve been to casual affairs like these where there’s a guy, an “ambassador”, who will tell you about all things Scotch and whiskey related. There are also a couple of hot chicks serving up the tastings. This is in your local bar on a week night usually and pretty low key.
The event (and oh yes, event is the right word) I was at last night was anything but low key. First they rope everyone in to the thing and have you get some appetizers and a drink to start things off. At this point I should probably mention I’ve never been much of a hard liquor guy, but I played along with the whole thing since it cost me $5 and I was curious. Then, once you’re through this, they hound you downstairs in to this huge room with seating that goes in a ring around this center area. You’ve got a couple of samples there, but you’re supposed to wait to try them.
As you’re sitting there, minding your own business, the lights go down and you’re suddenly hit with this massive media blitz of a presentation on four screens around you. Once it’s over, this guy walks in. This guy is something else and he deserves his own paragraph.
He’s got a little wireless boom mic on him. This is when you know the trouble is starting. That and the fact that if you get near enough this guy, I’m sure he smells like the interior of a rental car from Budget. He comes out and works to get everyone pumped up about Scotch. He blathers on and on. You sit there nodding your head. You also get hit with another media blitz each time he moves in to a new label color. As if that wasn’t enough, he somehow, magically has a story that relates to each drink you’re having. Forced isn’t the right word, but it’s the first one that comes to mind. Cheesey would be a better word, but yet, there are guys going along with this in the audience. It’s frightening.
So, once it’s all over, you file out of there, feeling pretty foul. I was told by my companions that these things usually are not like this. In fact, this was the most bizarre of happenings as there could be. I made sure to drink plenty of water when I got home, not because I was afraid of a hangover after that scant amount of liquor, but mainly to try and get any flavor out of my body that I could which remained. When marketing goes crazy, it looks like this.