Rob Schneider’s Lack of a Career is Not an Excuse for Anything

When all things are considered equal, I’m white. Half of me is Northern European and half is Southern European. If they ever happened, joint family reunions would be utterly fantastic and uplifting…
I also happen to be big and a male. I have blue eyes and sorta blond hair. I am by most definitions, The Man and not in a good way, but in that old, “The Man is holding me down.” kind of way. It sucks, but that’s the breaks. I try to do what I can to not be The Man, but I realize it’s of no use and I will be of the Mans group for the rest of my life.
Rob Schneider is not The Man. According to almighty sources, he is half Jewish, a quarter white mutt, and a quarter Filipino. I don’t know what this makes him, but it doesn’t really make him able to play the roles of a Generic Muslim, Japanese, and a Hawaiian. Sure, maybe the Cajun hick is possible, but even that is a stretch.
I think just about anyone knows that without Adam Sandler, Schneider would be flipping burgers. All of those films I linked to were all Sandler films. Schneider is seriously not funny. But here he is doing the equivalent of modern blackface in the name of humor, which was deemed just a wee bit offensive back when it was popular. Sure, others like Eddie Murphy and Billy Crystal have done similar things in roles in the past, but Schneider has finally kicked me in the balls with this act one too many times for me to sit by idly and not grow tired of it. It’s offensive. It’s uncalled for. It’s just a hack clinging on to roles for a paycheck.
Very few have called out Schneider on this and the reason I bring it up is because “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” just came out last week in the US. Despite the trailer looking funny and Mick LaSalle hating it (which usually means the reverse for me), it inevitably won’t be that great. Oh great, there’s also Schneider with this Middle Eastern cab driver character.
I know that this is all meant to be funny in how offensive it is, but it’s over the top and it begs the question as to, why does Rob Schneider need to put on all the makeup and pretend to be someone else? Schneider is pretty goofy looking and he could just play himself for the same effect (I know that I am an Adonis, so I can readily point fingers.) The racial crap is unneeded. For instance, in Zohan, he could just be a cab driver. Why does he have to be from the Middle East? In, Chuck and Larry, instead of the Japanese fellow, he could just be some fly-by-night mail-order priest character. And lastly, instead of the Hawaiian, why not be some loser guy married to a Hawaiian woman? Lord knows, there are plenty of these on Hawaii. None of these roles ever seemed to truly call for Schneider to don a prosthetic nose and talk with the whole, Engrish thing.
Ah, but then it becomes apparent; Rob Schneider is a pretty lousy actor. Just like actors who always have to smoke in a film, all the makeup is a crutch to hide the fact that he and/or the writer and/or the director really can’t get him to come alive on the screen and actually be anything more than annoying and certainly not anything near entertaining. As a contrast, take, Jon Lovitz, who is another SNL alumni. He just sorta plays himself in roles and it can be damned funny, like it was in The Wedding Singer or Little Nicky. If I thought that Schneider had any touch of talent, I would say that there is something he could learn there. As it is, all that I’ve learned in writing this article is that Schneider has far too many consonants in his name at the beginning and he should really get rid of the ‘n’, since I can never type it right and that annoys me.
Rob Schneider's Lack of a Career is Not an Excuse for Anything