I suppose that in the end, someone has to review movies, I just wish that it could stop being Mick LaSalle. It says a lot about a movie critic when he can’t even use his real name when reviewing films for fear of death threats. On some level I know that he gets off on people thinking he’s an ass and I wouldn’t even be wasting the space to talk about it except that web blogs are cheap and this is taking up about 10 minutes of an otherwise lazy evening to write. Also, someday, I hope that the Chronicle will just give him the boot. They have a great many other reviewers that while I may not agree with them all the time, don’t insult me as a reader. And it’s this point that brings me to his latest “genius” opine:
Agnosticism has killed the horror genre in the United States. Take away the afterlife, take away a belief in the spirit world, and horror becomes about nothing but the fear of death and stories about sadism.
Those are the opening lines to his review for The Orphanage. What the hell is that? Just tell me if it’s a good film. It’s his bungled, misplaced attempts at an intellectual diatribe in his reviews that drive me crazy. You wouldn’t see Michael Bauer (whom I also hate because I love) writing about the philosophy behind the steak that he’s eating. In my book, food is just as much an art form as a movie, yet someone LaSalle keeps getting away with this.
He had been rather quiet for awhile and I had hoped the Chron had silently done away with him, but then no, up he pops like that smartass kid in school who keeps mouthing off at you while you dunk his head in the toilet. Someday, somehow, he will stop reviewing and that will be a joyous day for cinema the world over. It really is uncanny how he has the same annoying smirk that Jeff Bezos has.