Not Your Typical Chardonnay

Just to close out my week of Napa trip recap, I have to share a funny thing about Chardonnay. I’m of the belief that 99.99% of wine drinkers hate it. My reasoning for this goes beyond Sideways comments and arises from the fact that at every winery we went to a week ago, a chardonnay would be part of the flight tastings. While that kind of consistency was to be expected, what was really funny was the nearly verbatim description of the chardonnay as they poured it. It was something along the lines of, “A very bright, crisp chardonnay. No oak at all. Not your typical chardonnay. Very enjoyable.” This translates in to yeah, kinda drinkable. Maybe better mixed in a spritzer. Certainly not going to buy it.
Those winery pouring lines are the same words that I hear from the 0.01% of wine drinkers who like chardonnay and are always trying to pimp it to the rest of us. What is it with this wine? I mean really, in general it sucks. Yeah, I’m a red wine drinker, but I do like a good deal of whites. Chardonnay just always tastes like the bastard child of the winery that they’ve begrudgingly made because they feel that they have to. Well, lemme tell ya, you don’t. You can stop. You can stop tomorrow. You can rip out all those vines and put in viognier or anything. Just stop making chardonnay. I know that you’d lose those drunken, super plasticized “Corvette couples” with the fake tans and all, but seriously, who buys more wine? Red freaks like my woman and I, that’s who. I’ve got four cases at home right now just because I like to look at it and be prepared for spontaneous party attacks. But is there any chardonnay in there? No. None. At. All.

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