My Mac is Better than Your God

Holy criminy! What is it with these Mac people?!! They are religious about their damned machines. I would say that there is something they put on the keyboard or in the screen that makes them addicted to these hunks of junk, but these people are so loyal, so decidely feeling “right” about this pile of plastic and electricity that it gets to be like talking to a Mormon about evolution sometimes.
I always go back to this one guy at my last office who had three Macs die on him and then one day he calls me up asking what kind of Mac laptop her should get. I was flabergasted. “Why, oh why would you want one of these things when you’ve seen first hand how unreliable they are?” “They just work better, man.” “What?!! You’re joking, right?” “No, not really. They’re just smooth machines that make a lot of sense.” “Uh, I see. Well, in that case, I think you should get the most expensive one you can afford, since obviously that will be the best one.” “Oh, okay, cool, that’s what I thought.” What a retard.
Then, just the other day, I started getting in to it with a designer at my current office. The conversation went something like this:
“This is such a great machine.”
“You’re joking, right? You do see me trying to get this thing running, since it’s crapping out on you, right?”
“Oh, that just started happening.”
“I remember that you’ve been having problems with this thing for about two months.”
“Well sure, but it’s much better than a Windows machine.”
(beat, Michael scratches his head)
“Actually, I run all this exact software at home on a Windows machine and it works great.”
“No, I don’t think so. It runs best on a Mac.”
“Um, once again, you do see me working on it in front of you, right?”
“Sure, but that’s just today.”
(Michael tries to find a hammer to disarm his frontal lobes.)
“Okay, so, why do you think this is better than a Windows machine?”
“It’s just easier. I can find things.”
“Like this folder of all your stuff on the desktop?”
“Yeah, like that. It’s hard to find things like that on a Windows machine.”
“I woudl think that you would just put a folder on your desktop, just like you have here. I’m not really understanding what the difference is.”
“It’s just easier, that’s all.”
“Ah, I see.”
(Michael looks for knife to slit wrists and put himself out of misery)
“Okay, so I can’t do much for this machine right now. I’ll have to completely rebuild it, which means that you can’t do any work until then.”
“Oh, why is that?”
“Because, like I said, I can’t fix this problem. There is an inherent issue with the core of the machine that has to be completely erased out and rebuilt.”
“Oh, I see. It’ll be all right.”
And of course, it really isn’t. I think that Mac people like their machines so much because they never have to work on them, since they would have no clue how to. We recently ordered 30 new PowerMac G5 desktops for my office and out of them, there were 30% of them that failed. That’s right, one out of three of these machines were no good and had to be sent back. That’s pretty horrid, especially since these are $2000 machines. To counter that, of the 40 Windows based machines we got, not one was dead and some of those were $500 desktops and some were $1400 laptops.
Makes me crazy I tell you.