Goodbye Walnut Creek

Walnut Creek, the WC, the DubC, and whatever the hell else you’re called, I bid you adieu. No more shall I traverse your two-streeted downtown area picking between Main & Locust and then distilling it down to whatever somewhat all right chain restaurant to go to. I shall not nearly be killed crossing Ygnacio Valley coming from the Bart station on Oakland because you thickheaded turds speed through the red light right there all the time to shave 40 seconds off your trip and nearly kill me in the process. No, I’m sorry a little pathetic “Sorry, didn’t see you.” wave isn’t enough. You’ve all damn near killed me every day I went out there and it was crap.
Upon returning from future trips to Europe I will not suffer the culture shock anymore that plagued me after returning this spring and suddenly being surrounded by the moronic size of the SUV’s that patrol the land of the Far East Bay. You don’t need these stupid things. Get a clue. It’s your insanely crappy driving that you all have to fear. Oh yes, that reminds me, no more crappy drivers I have to incessantly avoid. I only have to watch out when you bastards come to SF and blast around a corner while talking on your cellphone.
No more turd-colored blocks will dot the landscape. Your earth tones make me ill. I used to like them, but the constant need to destroy anything older than 15 years in your town sickens me. I realize that you’re all just transplants there–folks who want to stay in the Bay Area and felt your lives would be incomplete unless you owned a 8,000 square foot home–but for Christ’s sake, keep some history. Being able to remember where something was twenty years from now isn’t a bad thing and maybe you wouldn’t all be so miserable out there if you knew something about the place you live, but you don’t and that’s sad. Yes, you all are miserable no matter what you think. That’s why you keep buying stuff.
One thing I will actually miss are the heavily made up, breast implanted trophy wives that float around out there and their sexy European au pairs that do all the child work. Yeah, you’re all hot and why not. You’ve got plenty of time to work on these things while your husbands are in SF making a living. You could maybe cut down on the annoying phone calls you make all the time that have no purpose and reason to them, but hey, that’s the whole make up of your town so why deviate from the norm.
It’s all quite sad really. There was a point where WC might have had some permanence, but the influx of breeders to settle there over the last twenty years and this assinine housing boom we’ve had recently have soiled the town to an incomparably dull glow, reflecting off the latest household storage items at Limn and all the other junk, er… interior design stores.
Good bye for good. I hope to never see you ever again Walnut Creek.