Friending

A lot of people mope and groan about the dating scene in San Francisco, saying that it’s one of the toughest ones in the country. I couldn’t really tell you since I’ve not really lived that many places and it seems that dating sucks as much here as just about anywhere. It’s not fun to meet multiple people only to find out that it doesn’t work out. It takes up a lot of time, sometimes a lot of money, and a depending on your make up, maybe even a bit of our your soul.
Of course, none of this really compares to what I have now termed as “friending” wherein you go out and make friends. People might laugh at this and think I’m a loser, but really, how many good, good friends do you have in San Francisco? What do I mean by a good friend? Well, someone you can depend on, would probably loan you their car, might possibly loan you money if you needed it, and most importantly would help you move. I’ve found very few people that are able to stick to these points and those who do or even go close are people I hang on to. Sure, you can go out and have lots of folks to party with, but those are just drinking buddies. We’ve all got plenty of them. When it comes time to move your act from Russian Hill to the Oakland Hills or vice versa, are they gonna be there? No.
I’ve come to find that getting friends is so much like dating, it’s not even funny. Usually you meet when you’re out doing things. You’ll meet up at some later date for a drink or something else. Maybe you’ll meet at one another’s parties. And the list goes on and on. At some point, you reach some form of stability with this person. In a relationship relationship this is probably where you consider marraige. With friending, it’s just that point where the person meets the above points for you and probably the other way around as well.
When friending, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. This can be tougher than dating. Because there is no sex involved (or at least there better not be you freaks) you actually get to know the person. Yeah, I know, people should get to know each other more before having sex, but this just doesn’t happen. Welcome to the City gang. Anyways, the parting of friends is just as tough as parting of anything else. And of course if you have loaned money or a car, you could get burned. Is there a great deal of insecurity in making new friends. There shouldn’t be and in my hometown there isn’t because people are really upfront. But, here in the urban land, yes, there is. People hold back a lot and you don’t really get to know them as well as you should until sometimes it’s too late to salvage the friendship.
Anyways, heavy thoughts for a Friday, but think about the next time you’re out cruising the bars, trying to make new friends.