Fairweather Bikers

So… happy Fourth and with that, let’s talk about motorcycle folks. There are the motorcycle riders. There are the bikers. And then there are the wusses. Lemme explain the differences.
Motorcycle riders are the folks who just prefer to ride a their bike to where they need to go. It’s practical. It’s probably a Honda or something else sensible. It gets good gas mileage and it’s easy to park. When it rains they find that they like their ability to walk and take the bus.
Next on the list are bikers. These guys and girls are tough. They’ll haul across the US and love over bug-in-the-face moment of it. Their bike is their only form of transportation. They ride it in the rain and they don’t care. They don’t give a damn about the dangers of the ride, which may be kinda dumb, but hey, I respect it. They’ve got a thing and they do it. Oh yeah, they’ve probably got a bike that doesn’t get such good gas mileage and while it’s probably in perfect shape, it almost always has some degree of road grime on it.
Last, there are the wusses. These are the most common variant of the motorcycle rider and they love, just love, love, love to ride around my area. They ride pristine, perfect bikes like Ducati or BMW. While these are beautiful, screaming machines, they are sad in the hands of these dorks. They put the throttle full down when they take off from every god, damn, light. They have matching leathers. They try to act tough. But, most of all, they will not ever ride their bike in anything less than warm, sunny weather.
So, when you’re out and about for the explosions today, if you have a tomato and see one of these bikers parked, walk up to the bike, kick it over and when the wuss comes running out, going, “Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, my pretty penis extension, oh what have you done?!!” hit him in the face with the tomato. He might cry and run off to wipe down his matching leathers, so be ready for that. Just remember how much I hate these guys and how much you should too. We just have no room for this much wussness in our crowded society.