Devil Pigeon and Drinking Fountain

The mysteries of life are pretty endless. Questions such as: Where did we come from? Who is this God guy anyways? Is KFC still using actual chicken for their “food”? and Why do bad things happen to good people? are some of the more popular ones to pop in the mind at a moment’s notice. I have recently had two others as well.
Why did that Devil Pigeon try and eat my pretzel? You see, as I was showing some girls from Colorado around SF two weeks ago, we naturally went up to Pier 39. Being that we were there, I had to get my most popular tourist food in the whole world: the salted soft pretzel. It is sad that these are three bucks now, since they’re kinda crappy, but with enough mustard, they’re still good enough. Anyways, I’m walking along and out of nowhere this damned pigeon comes flying across the pier and attempts to get my pretzel. Little bastard. What was he thinking? That was my damned pretzel and now his filthy mange has been all over my food. Do I throw it away? No, you can’t really do that with a soft pretzel. Instead, I ripped off everything that seemed to come in contact with the winged rat and ate the rest. My pretzel. My pretzel! My… ah crap, it’s a bird. It just doesn’t understand, but still I’ve never seen one so emboldeneded.
The other thing that blows my mind is the drinking fountain at my gym. Not the low one for the handicap folks, but the high one for the ogres among us. There are days it is trickle and days it is a torrent. I never know what to expect and honestly, I feel really self-conscious in sticking my ass out in to the aisle to use the short one. I make do, but really, what’s up with this thing? Is it dependent on the alignment of stars in order to quench my thirst? I just don’t know, but it’s all food for thought. Yes, even the pigeon. Mmmm, fresh-baked pigeon thoughts. So wrong, but so tasty.