alba

The news in Spain this week has all been about the Duchess of Alba dying at the “jaunty” age of 88 (see photo above for proof of said “jaunt”.) The main reason the press is giving their rats’ asses freely about her is because she was essentially a cold fusion generator for the gossip magazines and without her the Iberian press empires will probably have to turn to covering the Kardashians much like the rest of the “civilized” world.

Of course the press should have instead been focusing on the armed police eviction of Carmen Martínez Ayuso, an 85 year-old pensioner who was given two days to leave her apartment of 50 years in Vallecano after her worthless turd of a son lost the title by taking a loan against it with a shady loan shark. This is a horrid story that, at least at the moment doesn’t have this poor woman living in the street as the local football team is paying her rent on a new apartment for the time being because yes, police went in and forcibly removed her from her apartment so a scumbag (who is somehow entitled to not have his entire name printed) could sell it to get 77,000€ out of it for a 40,000€ loan that was taken out three years ago. You don’t have to think about the math too long to see that wasn’t a prime interest rate.

But, back to the Duchess because it all comes back to the Duchess and the peculiarities of Spanish journalism. As I was sitting and eating the family meal last Sunday, journalists were paying their tributes to her long life (most suspect she was a lot older than 88) and humanitarian efforts (she died with 2.8 billion euros that are actually known of) and during this, they put up this photo. Before you click on that link, let me mention that it’s the 50 year-old version of the Duchess above on her Iron Throne, sunbathing nude. While she held it all together remarkably well in her 50’s, the fact that they just held this photo up on regular television while talking about her was nothing short of laughable. Having obviously had more plastic surgery than the recently departed Joan Rivers it was probably a fitting tribute of her, on a beach, with her tits giving everyone the The Full Duchess.

The only sad part in the death of this rich socialite is that it silences the muse of Dolors Boatella and her quite genius Twitter. Aware of this, Dolors wrote a loving tribute to this ancient Flamenco dancer as well as setting up a Tumblr to share all the montages that the Duchess has inspired over the years.

Naturally, in closing it must also be said, what the hell is up with November 20th? The Duchess dying this date now links her up with Francisco Franco and the actually more horribly brutal dictator, José Antonio Primo de Rivera. Somehow I don’t see anyone starting to enjoy 11-20 the same way they do 4-20 in the US.

Sleep well darling Duchess. We will all miss you–at least in montages by Ms. Boatella.