Last night, I was lying awake, staring at the ceiling in my nearly, yet not really dark bedroom. Amazingly, it was a quiet night in the neighborhood–something that has rarely been witnessed in the last year or so as the ambient volume knob is continually nudged upwards. And, as I looked up, squinting at the non-offensive beige that my landlord had painted the ceiling, I kept thinking that, in the swirling eddies of imagined light that it would be ever so wonderful for a tiny pinhole to open just a bit and let me look down the road a step or two.
Admittedly, I hate uncertainty and life has a general way of making sure that you shower in it daily. For the longest time, I thought that if you lived in any neighborhood in San Francisco long enough, it would probably eventually become a gay neighborhood. What I’ve realized more is that if you live in San Francisco long enough (and I’m nearing a decade) you will see no end of things close that may or may not be replaced by a Starbucks. There is no long term aspect to anything here as there is the continual thumb on index finger rub of greedy landlords. There is always more money to be made from tenants who are willing to pay more. This is the reason that Dottie’s (a place I never really frequented, but still liked) is closing soon. Then of course there’s the lopsided approach to development which is closing two bars in the area; one of which I liked a great deal.
This matters little to recent emigres from the Mid-West as the closing cycle echoes their pointless, car-centric can’t-make-it-in-New-York time spent in San Francisco. The life of a Midwesterner is around three years in San Francisco prior to moving somewhere else and only then becoming a San Franciscan. It matters to me though as my family has been around here awhile and the pace of change is anything but constructive or realistic.
While I realize that my insomnia-induced desire to glimpse in to the future would probably have just been wasted on trying to get Saturday’s lottery numbers, I do realize that I don’t need a portal to see that white folk are getting lazier and Americans in general more self-centered and careless. If the under-25 sublettors I had last year who stole no end of my belongings weren’t proof of this, Casey Anthony popped up to show it more. But, it’s not so simple as just blaming an individual, as is the case of Anthony wherein the whole village that brought her up (parents, friends, extended family) are all crap and this is the future which is why no one wants today’s children anywhere near them and frankly, I can’t blame them.
Time to try and get a full night of sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow having freshly dreamed of heirloom tomatoes. It is that time of year after all.