Several months back some friends told #1 Fan and I that they were pregnant. This was met with the cool response of, “Oh, good for you. Best of luck with the next nine months.” from her and I. There was a moment of being taken aback fully by our reaction as it seemed that we weren’t apparently happy enough for their impending addition to our very crowded world. Several times afterwards the topic came up again and our response was much the same. There wasn’t any bad intent in our reply, it’s just that if you have sex, the natural result is usually a pregnancy, much the same as if you were to eat a big meal and need to take a crap the following day. This is not a mystery, it’s just life, but the answers for them proved elusive.

Then there are articles like this one by redoubtably pointless Brooklynite, Amy Sohn. The first paragraph or two seems saucy, but then it drifts in to a “what’s the meaning of it all” blather fest. I generally have little patience for such writing, but it does open up the door to a mystery for me in that, how can all these soft-handed, plush-lived people not understand that the reason they feel they have to cheat or do drugs or act 20 years younger than they are is because: they’re assholes? This isn’t rocket science, it’s just life.

Sohn naturally never gets to any kind of conclusion as she’s too in love with the smell of her own anus, but I think the first three commentors helped give the most to the point answers:

- “All your friends are assholes.”
- “Let’s be fair. The author’s an asshole, too.”
- “The amount of asshole in this article is staggering.”

Getting back to the expecting couple that I know, I’m not saying that they too are assholes like Sohn, Girlfriends, & Co. It’s more to say that the unexpected answers to your questions are quite easy to find if you’re the least bit curious in life, or just read the comments section on a website.