Defining West African hotels

#1 Fan has been dutifully trying to plan our trip to Mali. As my French is still, "du merde", I'm pretty useless in the process. That and I've stayed around enough places in Africa at this point to have pretty low expectations in accommodations, so I'm useless in choosing which hotel I should choose. This is why my stay with friends in their 6th floor apartment in the Plateau District of Abidjan last weekend was heaven, even with the power cuts.

So, in this search, #1 came across reviews on the Lonely Planet discussion board that should be taken as gospel. The reviews themselves were great, but it's the breakdown of what to expect in a West African hotel that was complete genius:

*The Standard: the "lock" on the ill-fitting balsawood door is extremely sketchy. The mosquito nets used to be white, but the lower edges are now... unwhite. You take in pillow-smell as you listen to the people hanging out on the street outside your window at night. Mattresses are distinctly concave. There might be a plastic shelf above the sink, or it may have broken off. The soap will slide into the sink, no matter what. You may or may not get a towel, it's like a fun towel-roulette. Plastic bathtub or just a drain on the floor - either way there's not enough water pressure to warrant a shower curtain. Broken tile floor with lots of dirt embedded in the grout. Handheld shower sprayer, and under no circumstances is the wall mount it formerly rested in still intact. TV Cable and mount are visible in a poorly chosen corner, but the TV is long gone. Frequent mosquitoes, occasional lizards. Do they eat mosquitoes? One can hope.

**Below standard: comes with (someone else's) hairs all over the smelly pillow and sheets. No hot water. Makes you wish you were camping. You still pay 20k FCFA. Be glad you brought the sleeping bag liner, and next time make friends for goodness sakes and stay in someone's home.

Truer words have never been spoken.

04 03 2010      1 comment

Tags: hotels, in to africa, mali, travel

Renewing faith in West African repairs

"Oh god! Oh no! No! Help!!!" Fearing some near-collapse of the roof or some other disaster that would be the end of her life, I came running in to the bathroom to see #1 Fan standing in the shower over some washing she was taking care of. Behind her, where the faucet had been for the shower, there was just a jet of water shooting in to the opposite wall.

I told her to go outside and ask the guard to find the main water and shut it off. That was easily done and once finished, I was able to assess the damage. Yes, the faucet had indeed broken off. After a perfunctory two years of service, this cheap, possibly-not-metal-from-this-planet, Chinese faucet had just sheered off at the pipe. That was it. No threads to re-thread. No duct tape to re-apply. Our shower was dead and due to there being no redundant line cutoffs, the water of the house was off too.

This was a Sunday, in the evening. Looking in to the hole of the pipe, I assumed that the wall was going to have to be knocked out to replace the pipe. Basically, given the general perception of how long repairs can take in Cote d'Ivoire, I thought we'd be without water and showers for the next week. Still, we had to do something to start the wheels in motion towards a repair.

#1 Fan went out and found the block superintendent, who was, as usual, napping under a tree around the corner. He came in, looked at the problem and gave his standard-issue chuckle, which we were rather pissed at given that he wasn't the one who was going to be going bucket-shower for a week. He did call a plumber to come over and check out the problem. The plumber said he would come over right away on this Sunday evening.

Needless to say, we were in no end of shock when the plumber actually did show up 20 minutes later. With him, he carried an old rice sack which he had repurposed in to his tool box. He plopped everything down in the bathroom, eyed the broken faucet threads in the wall, pulled out a screwdriver and a wrench and went to work breaking out the threads. Naturally, the wrench was being used as a hammer as any tool can be a hammer, yet a hammer cannot be any tool.

In no time, he had cracked out the old threads. From the "tool sack" he then produced a new faucet. It was obvious the man knew this repair well. In a matter of 10 minutes, he had the new faucet on, readjusted, and re-pressured. And that was that. My mind was blown and stereotypes were needing to be re-thought, or at least tweaked slightly. In less than an hour, life was back to normal and it went to show that if living five degrees above the equator, once the sun sets, anything is possible.

23 02 2010      0 comments

Tags: in to africa, praving

The journey to Jacqueville

Not heard of Jacqueville? That wouldn't come as too much of a surprise. It's a town about 60km west of Abidjan in Côte d'Ivoire. While this is relatively close to the main city of the country, it happens that Jacqueville has no direct land routes. This aspect, in addition to missing signs makes it a tough spot to reach.

The ferry is really the biggest hurdle. It feels like you could throw a rock across the 450m of water that separates the island that Jacqueville sits on. To add insult to the injury, the ferry travels at 1/2km an hour, thus making the trip across this scant stretch of water take 20-30 minutes. It would seem apparent that given there are two ferries and that this isn't a massive destination, your wait time would be minimal. Au contraire mon ami, as the ferries take a lunch break that starts at 12:00 and goes until 14:00. If you hit it at the wrong point (as we did), you are stuck waiting there, staring at the other side of this miserable stretch of water for hours on end with a fat ticket guy shrugging and giving you a lame TIA excuse as to why the lunch breaks can't be staggered.

Once you load up and do get across, you then realize that it's 25km to get to actual Jacqueville. As you make your way along this quite good and straight road, you see that yes indeed, coconuts are the main source of revenue on this island. They are freakin' everywhere, growing in any corner of land you might catch a glimpse of.

Jacqueville proper is a small town right on the beach. It's pleasant, but overall quite basic. The stretch of coast that is lies upon is one of the nicer stretches I've seen in West Africa. It arcs gently around, with mild waves crashing away. I love how in the hot part of the afternoon, it seems that most of the town takes a mattress to go lie amongst the coconut trees next to the beach. I'm assuming they resume normal operations once the sun starts to hint at going down. Can't say that I blame them, given that 43C or so in the peak of the day is pretty nasty to doing anything.

And that's about it. A bit of coconuts, a bit of beach, some old French Colonial ruins, a pile of local kids thrilled to have their photo taken, maybe a beer, some sitting at the beach and you've seen Jacqueville. It's an interesting trip that I recommend for anyone staying in Abidjan for some time who has access to a car. For those who only want beach, Grand Bassam, to the east of Abidjan would be a tad more practical, albeit more expensive destination.

17 02 2010      0 comments

Tags: coconuts, cote d ivoire, in to africa, travel

In a state of perpetual evening

Probably one of the weirder language things I'm having trouble adjusting to are the greetings for the time of day. This may not seem like such a big deal, but people in Côte d'Ivoire are quite gregarious. Everyone greets everyone. While in the US, a nod, or depending on the setting, just eye contact can be acceptable, if you don't verbally respond back, it's considered offensive and people will repeat their greeting to you as they assume you simply didn't hear it because everyone responds. I don't really mind this and on a great many levels, it's quite enjoyable to engage with people in a country, as opposed to just being an outsider unsure of how to interact.

The one thing that gets me though is the actual greeting. In the US, traditionally we've done away with "good morning", "good afternoon", "good evening", and "good night" to use one size fits all phrases such as, "hey". The art of linguistic articulation is not one of America's finer points…

In Spanish, I've gotten used to "buenos días", "buenas tardes", and "buenas noches" as well as the respective times of day in which they're used. Croatian took a bit more getting used to with "dobro jutro" until about 10, "dobar dan" until about 18 (depending on the time of year), "dobar večer" until about 22, and "laku noć" at the very end of the night, which also works in place of "goodbye" for the evening. The times are surprisingly punctual for these different phrases and people have some kind of very accurate clock in their head to just know when to say them.

As French would have it, there is only "bonjour" and "bonsoir"; "good day" and "good evening". This probably seems simpler overall, but when one is used to having all the shades of time through the day, it seems blunt. Obviously, you get used to it, although while writing this, I said, "bonsoir" at 10:45 in the morning to a fellow who walked in the door.

In Côte d'Ivoire, probably the hardest thing is getting used to saying these at the right time. The reason that I made such a dumb gaffe with this fellow who walked in is that "bonsoir" starts at noon. Yes, the "evening" starts in the middle of the day and while people tend to get up around 6, they go to bed at 12 (don't ask me how they do it) and so, evening is making up the vast majority of their day.

I still find it weird and I doubt that I'll really quite get it at any point, although I'll just go along with it as that's the way the day goes here.

08 02 2010      0 comments

Tags: customs, in to africa, language

A toilet without a proper seat is no toilet at all

Word had come down prior to arrival in Côte d'Ivoire that the seat on the toilet in the house that #1 Fan had rented was less than optimal. Replacement was not going to be easy as the only seats you can get in the smallish town of Abengourou are all the same thin, cheap, plastic seats that stick to you when you're hot and don't support you when you're sitting. This was not going to do for my half a year stay.

So, given that I had 46kgs of space that I wasn't really sure what to do with, I decided to pick up a $15 toilet seat at Home Depot and actually bring it with me. Preposterous sounding, perhaps, but if you've never dealt with one of these skinny pieces of junk, then you don't know just how bad it could be. Oh yeah, on top of the construction of the seat, it was an oval seat for a round toilet. I think in the US, there would have been a lawsuit over this.

On my first night of arrival, out of the suitcase I produced a proper round seat. In removing the old seat and thoroughly cleaning everything, I saw that yes, this was going to be a perfect fit. Ah, but there is just one thing as it appears in the US, 14cm bolt centers on the seat are used whereas here, it's 16cm. Now, I could have just tried to smash it in to place and hope for the best. Well, actually I did try that initially, but it was pretty bad. Ultimately, I ended up unscrewing the hinges and moving them 1cm out on each side. The result of which you see below and while it isn't pretty, it makes for a proper seat, as well as 2kg of extra space in my bag for the trip back at the end of June.

01 02 2010      1 comment

Tags: in to africa, praving, toilets

Sad to be leaving, but happy to go

I have to say that while being in San Francisco for a week and a half, I'm quite happy to be leaving. I went for a walk up to North Beach two days ago to buy salami and I thought, "Hey, I won't see this place for awhile, let's have a stroll." That was a rather tremendous mistake as shop upon shop is closed. It was just sad. This city is a husk of what it was and it goes to show how intangibly debt-driven the economy is here. Although, it did make me anxious to leave.

So, that's it. A total month and a half back in the US and now I'm off again. Why am I off again? Because economically, things are really still quite down. I knew that this would be the case though as January-March in any year are a hard time to find work. Of course, I had a sunnier disposition about things this time last year, which ended up burning me. But, given the fact that my rent wasn't increased for the first time in five years and a quick perusal of Craigslist shows that yes, things are not turning around, I am tossing in the towel and leaving the country.

Heading off to Europe again? No, not this time. As much as my in-laws would probably like to have me grilling meat and watching the puppy, I'm going a bit more adventurous this time; I'm heading to Côte d'Ivoire (Ivory Coast) for five months. Yes that is in Africa (West, not South) and yes, they do speak French there. And yes, it is quite hot there. So, why on earth am I doing this?

First off, I've wanted to actually live outside the US for an extended period of time. I've only really traveled outside for a maximum of maybe three months through a variety of countries. The closest I've come to living was staying in Figueres with my in-laws and that didn't really count as I wasn't paying rent, mom-in-law did the shopping, and I was there on the three moth tourist visa which I damn near went over on. Really need to use the other passport more...

So, this will be not only the longest time outside the US, but also the first actual living in another country. It just took until I was 33 to actually pull this off (I'm a late bloomer.) This is all being made possible by #1 Fan having a temporary contract there that was will take care of basic living expenses. Seeing how the economy was heading, she did something very smart last Fall and found this position which will not only allow us to hopefully weather this economic storm, but also work on that other project that I spend so much time on, Maneno. Also, I am hoping to come back speaking decent, as opposed to chicken-scratch, French by the end of this as well. Even though it's not my favorite language in the world (the multiple 'u' sounds and the numbers kill me) it is an incredibly useful one.

Most people who read this blog probably don't read Subsaharska that much as it's about Africa and African technology primarily. This one is a bit more fun, dealing with such things as food, tea, airport frustration, and of course, toilets. Speaking of which, there should be an article forthcoming about that last item. Otherwise, if you want to see some of the more cool things I'll be doing and the people I'll be working with, take a look at that blog.

If I didn't get a chance to meet up, I'll make sure to do so in July and will be happy to see a lot of folks again after so much time away, although I will be online just as much as here in the US and I have a SkypeIn number for those wishing to call as well. Au revoir!

27 01 2010      0 comments

Tags: california, in to africa, san francisco, us america

I'm huge in Cape Coast

Yup, sure enough, when walking up the stairs to the top of the lighthouse that is Fort William in Cape Coast, Ghana, I discovered that they were cut for someone a good deal shorter. I had to duck the who way up. Thankfully I got a photo to show some of the experience. I feel fortunate at times for being tall, albeit most of my height is in my Slavic forehead.

17 08 2009      0 comments

Tags: cpae coast, ghana, im huge, in to africa

Single American dudes, if you're lonely, head to Cape Coast, Ghana

Man, I am so thankful that I'm married and don't have to think about these things anymore, but for any single guys out there who are feeling a bit lonely in the US, don't spend money on internet dating or strippers. Buy a plane ticket to Accra and then haul your ass over to Cape Coast. Now, I realize that this may seem random, but all I see are piles of American girls in the restaurants doing internships or whatever and there are no guys around. This is the single scene any loser in the US could hope for. While I have no damn to give as what you do, here might be some helpful pointers:

The Accent

First of all, these girls are more than likely not going to want to meet an American. They're here for a few weeks or months getting their "International, African experience" for their resumes and most likely they have an American guy back home. Pointer: fake an accent. Try something from Southern Europe and make it sleazy. Try and keep it generic and chat the girls up a bit to figure out somewhere where they haven't been. If you can get away with Sicily, great, as you can make any kind of tacky Godfather references you want to. Really, if you've gone all the way to Ghana to meet American women, you should have no shame in doing this, so go with it. Be warned though that if you take advantage of the next point, this goes to hell.

Passport Stamps

Any girl in Ghana is a "world traveler" and you can better have the entry and exit stamps to back it up. If you don't, fake them. I have no idea where to get "fake" passport stamps, but again, your shame is non-existent, so work on this. Keep in mind that a stamp showing-swap is the first step to bigger and better swaps.

Keep a Diary

If you've gone with the fake accent, this is great because you can write some crap "dialect" in the diary that is nonsense. If not, you will have to write real stuff in English and that could nearly be work. Watch the diary angle closely. Bring a couple of them too, making sure to rough them up and look travel-worn. I recommend Moleskins even though Miquel Rius are better just because any "thinker" from the US writes in Moleskins. Make sure you only write your sweet nothings about one girl per diary.

Ghanaian Clothes

You gotta get something "African" like a shirt made out of the cloths they produce. I recommend the Obama shirt which I'll hopefully be able to hunt down. If you wuss out on the full shirt, go for a scarf, but whatever you do, don't go for the vest. Outside of hipster circles, vests get you no pootie.

Love the Children

Wherever you walk, kids will want to cling on to you. I find it sweet, but there's a reason that I'm married. You are single and you need to make sure you walk around and test out your reactions with the kids before you make some kid of awkward moves in from of a girl. A couple of test "kiddings" in more remote areas of town where the girls don't venture are highly recommended. Just remember that if there's no love for the African children and no love for you.

Also on this note, make sure to stage some photos of you hugging children and being generally interested in "stuff" in the country (a sad, compassionate face at the Door of no Return is a good start) and have these sitting on your digital camera to show any girl your casually start talking to.

Talk the Talk

Say things such as, "we need to shed light on the problems", "let's work to empower these people", or my favorite, "I came because I wanted to give something back". All of these statements are full or crap, but really, so are you, so let it fly like kids throwing dried cow turds in Iowa.

Keep in mind over everything else that if you really do fly to Ghana to hook up with American women, you really don't have much going on. You should go to any depths to get laid (short of anything illegal, pervert) and again, have no shame. Maybe I'm wrong and there are scores of dudes that are workaholics, hiding out in the offices somewhere, but it sure doesn't look like it and the odds are better here for a straight American loser than just about anywhere else in the world, even San Francisco.

12 08 2009      0 comments

Tags: ghana, in to africa, us america

I'm like totally not here at the moment

While I might post something more on the almighty Hudin, I'm currently traveling in Ghana, which means that I'm writing the other blog, Subsaharska where I've got a number of posts going. The country has been good to me so far and I hope it keeps going that way. Ultimately I'm here for the Maker Faire Africa which is shaping up to kick some serious ass from the 14th-16th. You can join in on some of the fun virtually though by checking out the new Focus Page feature we've worked in to Maneno. It can be viewed at www.maneno.org/makerfaireafrica Share the link. Share the fun.

10 08 2009      0 comments

Tags: ghana, in to africa

The American expat in Africa

It's always a strange thing to meet those from your own country when visiting another country. Some people love it. I oft times avoid it. Obviously when in Europe, this happens a great deal as many Americans go to Europe. Of course, it's not often the case that I mingle with them so much as there are the rare few who like to travel the way that I do. Let me emphasize that it's not necessarily the right way to travel, but it works for me and I like it.

Once you cross one of those bodies of water (whether it be Mediterranean or Atlantic) and head in to Africa, the amount of Americans sluffs off a great deal. It's such a smaller amount and the type of travel in Africa so different that the logical assumption would be that those of us who make it here would have a great deal more in common. The image of the intrepid explorer, pith helmet tucked under the arm, watching gazelles give birth, delving in the "wilds" of Africa tucked in our minds.

But amazingly, this is not the case. It's hard to describe other than to say that the majority of Americans I've met in Africa are well, strange. There seems to be this focus on, "What I have discovered here is mine. You can't have it, but I'll tell you about it. Wait, no, don't come! This is mine!" It's almost like Americans who make it to Africa feel as if they got in too late in that Colonial carve-up and that they are belatedly discovering something that is unknown.

It is the case that there are some well-known Americans based in Africa who would be, quite honestly, no one but a number in a cubicle in the US were they there. I mean, let's face it, most of us in the US are indeed just that number, myself included. But in Africa, they are stars. Now, it would be ridiculous to base an entire conclusion on these examples alone, but the people I've met outside of these prominent few that I know of, but on the ground, I have yet to dispell this conception, especially seeing more of my country folk in Ghana. Okay, there are one or two Americans I know who are in Africa a lot that are quite cool, but they're actually everywhere in the world a lot, so they're somewhat of a different camp.

I'm not really sure if these "turdy" Americans started out this way or it came about over time. I'm a bit worried that they didn't start out this way in which case I really need to watch my ass and stay open-minded as I travel to Sub-Saharan Africa more. I can't feel immediately threatened and start urinating around this chunk of African space that I define as mine like this graduate student from San Francisco did the minute I started talking with her and she found out that I'm also from San Francisco and might best her at her own game.

I'm just thankful that I have #1 Fan as well as fans numbered 2-5 (dare I say, 5?) who can kick me in the ass if I start going the way of these fellow Yanks with whom I'm become so perturbed.

09 08 2009      0 comments

Tags: expats, in to africa