BLOG

I really don't get it. Who exactly is the, Fodor's Hawaii for?       I asked this question repeatedly as this thing let us down repeatedly in Hawaii. Usually I stick to the Rough Guides as they are full of the history of a place and slightly snarky in tone due to their "British edge". But, I thought, hey, let's branch out and try a different one, which ended up being Fodor's.       Most guidebooks tend to have a focus audience. Rough Guides are good for Europeans and the slightly adventurous type. Lonely Planet are all around good, but I tend to not prefer them as they don't travel the way I like. Moon used to be for the hippies, although I don't know their true focus anymore. Let's Go are strictly for students and those on a budget who want to party wherever they go. Bradt are just awesome for those that want to adventure and see the unseen. I mean, who else has a Kosovo (a contested region), Democratic Republic of Congo (a conflict region), and Iraq (a flat-out war zone) guide? Bradt, that's who.       So, I didn't really know where Fodor's fit in. I thought it was something like Lonely Planet with a definite angle about catering to Americans. I was wrong, but I wasn't completely wrong. In fact, I don't know where I sit and I have no idea who Fodor's is for.       If you're an adventurer, it is crap. We had to find a good number of things on out own and it never points out hole in the wall places to eat that can be great and cheap. Also, we had to find most of our own accommodations online because they seem to like to show the midrange places and up.       If you're a beachgoer, it sucks. We found that the best, cleanest and most enjoyable beaches were in Kauai, which were hardly covered. They seemed to like to pick the dirty, crowded beaches. Maybe some people like these as they feel safe and at home on them? I don't know.       If you're a Lazy Fat Pale Scared American (LFPSA) the book is bad as well. While parts of it seemed to cater to the LFPSA crowd, they would flippantly mention things like the Haleakala Crater hike as an outing and not point out that LFPSA's would die doing that hike. It also doesn't really give very good layouts of itineraries because LFPSA's need to have everything planned for them, although maybe they do this through package deals to the islands. Again, I don't know.       Lastly, it's inaccurate. The pass you get for Haleakala National Park is not good for a week as they say in the book, but three days, making it rather hard to reuse for Oheo Gulch and the Crater. Also, the beach at Polihale is correctly labeled as one of their choice beaches in the guide, the information about the are is dead wrong. For one, that beach is officially closed. Two, the road is not just rough on a car, it's damned near impassable. Spots really require a vehicle with a solid eight to ten inches of clearance to make. You can do it in a rental car, but it's very, very rough. Lastly, there are no facilities out there due to a broekn water pump. All the bathrooms and showers are closed. This information has been known online since mid last year, yet they went to press with it like this.       In general, I got the feeling that the guide was lazy and places hadn't been visited for awhile. This is sad, seeing as how Hawaii isn't Croatia. Things aren't changing from year to year. It's the US and it's been a continuous tourist destination for decades.       So, from know on, I'm sticking to my Rough Guides and Bradt books. One alternative that is good for this region about the books from Wizard. Despite the cheesy name, their Maui Revealed and Kauai Revealed guides are extremely in depth and detailed. A friend loaned them to me and they were good resources to balance out the craptacularness of the Fodor's. Dog Eared Books, a very unused Fodor's is soon coming your way!

For those whose geography is extremely limited, Hawaii is surrounded by water and it seems overwhelmingly populated by white hippy types as well as the few native Hawaiians that are left. It has all the earmarks of being a legendary, closed-loop system that could near biodynamic status because of its isolation. Admittedly, tourism is a massive industry there and tourists create waste, but at the same time, they create waste from materials that are already there, since you can't bring most foods in to the state or bottled liquids.       So, out of all of this, it would seem that a great recyclo-sphere would arise. The islanders would compost and return everything that is from the island back in to the island. After all, it seems that with America's realization that there is no more expansion possible, we are starting to realize how small the world actually is and in Hawaii, it would seem that this realization is something you'd have for breakfast as you can look from one end of each island to the other.       But, no, Hawaii is horrible when it comes to being environmental. As I mentioned previously, there is a bus system, but it's limited. For the size and amount of people who visit these islands, there should be a massive public transportation grid that runs electrically (Hawaii could easily make use of wave generators for electricity as well as solar electricity). No, everyone has a car and everyone drives, including those of us who travel as tourists, which I was very unhappy about.       Then there is the waste factor. Obviously, in current society, we have waste. It is the type of waste and what we do with it which dictates how low of an impact we're having. First there is the issue of recycling. You'd think you were in 1950's on Hawaii with how pitiful the recycling initiatives are. They only seem to recycle glass and aluminum containers and some plastic bottles. I saw no bins for paper or other materials. I might add that these bins are all hard to find. As a tourist, I really don't want to trash the place I'm staying in and regardless to what those in touristed areas think, a great many of us try to not be slobs. They make it hard in Hawaii though. It's much easier to toss your waste in to the trash than recycle it. We drove around with bottles and cans in the car for three days in Kauai to try and recycle it, only to end up leaving it at the place we stayed in the hopes that they're green-minded and will put it somewhere that we couldn't find. I'm than happy to let them have the deposit money if my waste doesn't end up in the garbage.       Beyond the recycling, there is the non-environmentally sound waste that is created. Countless places we ate at had no plates or eating utensils that were reusable. It seemed that they were more interested in using plastic forks and knifes along with those god forsaken styrofoam plates to serve the food on. Once done, they would just toss all of this in the trash, like our server did at Aloha Mixed Plate in Lahaina as he "bussed" our table by throwing away everything we used.       Needless to say, I was shocked at all of this and had to wonder as to where does all of this go? Do they toss it down a volcano? To some extent it appears to go in to landfills. This practice is unfortunate on the mainland, but insane on a place like Hawaii where there is such limited space. I really hope (but somehow suspect) that a good deal of it is loaded on to barges and dumped out at sea. If that's true, then I'd downgrade this state from a D+ (which they earn only due to their minor recycling efforts) to an F.       Maybe someone can fill me in on more of this. I'm really in the dark and am only basing this on my observations of people living on the islands. I am more than happy and would be very relieved to be corrected.

Our ridiculous Fodor's guide seriously downplayed the buses in Hawaii. Repeatedly it stated that you really needed a car to get around. Sure, cars make life a lot easier in Hawaii, but driving everywhere sucks. It wasn't until we got to Oahu and took the bus that I really felt like I was on a vacation how I like to vacation. I mean, driving is fun and all, but losing the responsibility, cost, and worry of the car is fantastic, which is one of the reasons I like Europe so much: no car needed. Then of course there is the environmental factor as well. When 30 people are on a bus, you're simply not polluting as much as if you were 30 cars. So, for folks who are more eco-minded out there, I present a bit about the buses in Hawaii, since it appears no guidebook wants to go there. I just hope that more people will use them and the system will develop more.              OAHU       Probably the most developed and extensive of all of them and there is a Ferry system that ties in to it as well. At $2 a ride, it's not the cheapest bus out there, but you can do things like get from the airport to Waikiki without using a $15 a person shuttle. Officially, you're not supposed to bring large luggage on the bus, but we did and it worked out. We were the only ones doing it unfortunately which goes to show that too many idiots overspend while on holiday and get sucked in to using a taxi from the vultures who constantly ask you if you want a ride.              MAUI       Not as extensive as Oahu and it serves mostly the west and central parts of the island. So, you're not going to get up to the Haleakala Crater or to Hana on it, which is a shame since those roads get very congested. For a quick view of where it goes, check out the system map              KAUAI       We saw a good deal of this bus and it appeared to have a pretty regular schedule that ran the whole gamut of the civilized part of the island. The Waimea Canyon can't be reached with it, but most everything else worthwhile can and it's only a $1.50 to go anywhere on the route, which is a really long route from one end to the other. The Kalalau Trail is stopped just short of as the end of the line is in Hanalei, but the adventurous can walk the distance and we saw folks doing this. But what I'd really recommend is to rent a bicycle while there and use the bus. They have a space for bikes on the front of the bus and everything short of Waimea can be reached from any of the stops.              HAWAII BIG ISLAND       They have one of the worst websites I've ever seen for a bus route, but it is apparently free. We didn't make it to the Big Island on this trip, so I can't speak as to any firsthand knowledge. Also, the site doesn't appear to have a system map, which is a bummer as it appears they have a good many routes and service seems good. It's something to look in to more if interested and hopefully anyone with more advice might leave a comment? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink...

It's a pretty well-known fact that the main costs in traveling are transportation, lodging, and food. In reality, these are the main costs of life in general, but they become ever more apparent when one is traipsing around carelessly. Transportation can be tough to save on, while food can be much easier. When it comes to lodging, savings can be had if one is willing to battle any number of elements, including crappy websites, minor shams, and taking chances.       We went through all of these problems as we looked for cheap places to stay when visiting Maui, Kauai, and Oahu. Given that I make no money off this blog (well, $20 or so a year in AdWords I guess), I felt that I might as well share what I found in the hopes it helps others out there in either saving money or avoiding rough places. So, here we go...              MAUI       Joe's Place - This is one of the (if not the) only places to stay in Hana on the east end of Maui for less than $100 a night. It's on the $55 a night cost of a double that I assume the place stayed in business. It's not luxurious. It's barely even basic. It is a place to stay if you want to stay in Hana and not pay a lot. For one night or maybe even two, it can be tolerable. We stayed for three and it was a bit much. Not only is there not a lot to do in Hana, but our room had a funk to it that can really only be described as "warm heaving fart". I do need to add that apparently our room was shampooed just before arrival and it seems the shampoo man did something nasty in there as the other rooms didn't smell like this.       While it is a cheap place, you do get stuck with other cheap guests and in the morning, these cheap guests are a serious pain in the communal kitchen area. If you can tolerate this and move on to greener pastures after two days, then enjoy. If not, get ready to pay $150+ a night for something like the Hana Hale Inn which was right across the street from Joe's and looked like a very nice place to stay. Hana Hale is also off the road a bit, and I gotta tell ya, this road sucks. It's incredibly busy despite how small Hana is.       Peace of Maui - This family-run affair is quite nice, situated up near the small town of Makawao. It's pretty convenient to the airport, Haleakala Crater, and most anywhere you need to go. Tammy is a super host and keeps the rooms very clean. She opens up her wifi free of charge and even has a communal computer for folks to use, although, she can't guarantee that these items will always work (I managed to get us two free t-shirts gratis for fixing the communal computer while we were there).       At $55 a night, you really can't beat the place and it's no wonder it always gets recommendations in every guide there is on Hawaii. The only downside are the often aggressively outgoing guests who don't leave you alone to relax and have loud conversations in the communal kitchen in the wee hours of the morning. Hit a quiet group and you're golden. Hit a noisy group and they're worse than chickens on Kauai.              KAUAI       Kauai Palms Hotel - Nothing mind blowing about it. It's pretty clean and a decent place. The rooms are small, but the beds are big. They have cable TV there for when boredom hits after the sun goes down and it's a convenient place to the airport, which also means you can hear the few planes that take off out of Lihue.       It costs about $65 a night, which isn't terrible, but also isn't the cheapest deal on Kauai.       One bright side to the place is this cheeky cat with a lot of personality who waited outside our room for three hours just so that it could play with something. Another bright side to the place is that it's a two minute walk around the corner from the super cheap Hamura Saimin which has some of the most kickass food on the island.       Aloha Estates at Kalaheo Plantation - The long title is undoubtedly to avoid saying that it's a "hotel" so it can stay under the radar with the license issues. But, this is a very nice place in Kalaheo, which is in the middle of the south side of Kauai. The place has been nicely remodeled and each room has a pleasant theme to it.       That being said, the owner is a bit of an ass. The website says, $45 a night for the Bamboo Suite where we stayed, but the owner slipped through charging $55 a night for it. This was cheeky by itself, but the room also has a massive funk to it that makes it smell like a locker room. The other rooms might smell better as they don't have bamboo coverings on the wall, but we wouldn't know as we didn't stay in them. There is also the issue of the damned roosters in the back yards of neighbors, which will inevitably wake you up.       It's all quite a shame, as the place seems to have a lot of charm and I might recommend staying in one of the other rooms or suites as long as the owner doesn't mess with the price and you bring some earplugs.              OAHU       Waikiki Hostel - Yes, that's right, we stayed in a youth hostel. Only being in Honolulu for one night made this the cheapest and most sensible option and overall, it's not all that bad. For $60 a night, you get a very basic, yet clean bed in a small room with a private bath and shower that you don't get the creeps about using.       We feared that there would be constant noise of party goers in the area, yet despite being the center of Waikiki, it's surprisingly quiet. It may have had to do with it being a Sunday night, but we saw plenty of nyuk-nyuks heading out to the bars as we were heading home to sleep, so the night was definitely alive.       As weird as it is, this was probably the most quiet night and restful night we spent in all of the three islands we visited.

As I pointed out earlier, Maui has got the beef. But of course, a lot of people make a beeline for all the other foods you can get on the islands, which include a great many things that you can get on the mainland like Italian, French, Mexican, and Chinese. Since I can get these readily in San Francisco, it begs the question as to why on earth I'd eat them while traveling. I mean, apparently, the offer is quite good, but again, why not try what the locals eat?       Thus we found the ultimate culinary path to the plate lunch and saimin. The plate lunch is ubiquitous around Maui and tends to consist of some form of meat with rice and macaroni salad of all things. It has its background in the fact that multiple cultures (like Chinese, Japanese, and Filipino) mixed in with the Hawaiian culture to create a lunch that they shared amongst each other when they were working on the plantation. It's quite good and I find my favorite to be either the pig or the chicken. These elements are both prepared in a truly Hawaiian manner and give the dish a touch that make it worth seeking out, as you're not going to find this on the mainland very easily. Even in San Francisco about the only thing I can find is Samoan plate lunch down in the south city, which is also great, but a good deal different. When on Maui, head over to Lahaina, to the north part of the town where you'll find Aloha Mix Plate. It's a nice setting along the water and offers a good selection.       Then there is saimin, which I can only really compare most closely to a Vietnamese pho. It is a noodle soup of saimin noodles (thus the name) with any variety of meat tossed in there. The test of a good saimin lies in the broth that they use and this place on Kress Street in Lihue, Kauai called, Hamura Saimin makes up the bestest. Apparently they serve up some 1,000 bowls of saimin a day and it's not touristic at all, with locals comprising the majority of the clientèle and a greasy spoon atmosphere to the joint that gives it some street cred.       I suppose the real reason I bring these options up is because when visiting an area, it's best to try the local cuisine. But, it's also the case that eating out in Hawaii tends to run a bit more expensive than on the mainland and these local dishes prove to be some of the cheaper options available. Cheap, filling, tasty, and good always make for a winning combination with the foods that I eat.

There was this one guy I hired when I worked at a previous sometimes office who really had a thing for saying stuff like, "Yeah, I got a Coke, bitches!" He always meant it in a joking way and in some regard it was indeed funny. Thus the reason that I bring it up again when talking about hiking in Kauai in that I find it funny, not that I have a Coke.       Kauai is a pretty wild island that covered in jungle everywhere, which is cool because it's been the first spot in Hawaii where I've really felt like I've gone somewhere that doesn't remind me of California at all. There aren't as many parks as on Maui, but the ones that there are, I think are much better. For instance, there is the Kalalau Trail which is in the far northwestern corner of the island as part of the Nā Pali Coast. You basically drive on one of the highways until you come to the end of it and then you park and do one of two things. If you're a lazy beach goer, you jump in to the water that's there. If you're more adventurous, you hike down the trail, get sweaty, come back, and then jump in to the water possibly checking out all the tropical fishes in the lava reef if you have a snorkel.       While not the most hardcore hikers out there, we like to adventure, so we headed down the trail, surrounded by people taking what were basically strolls whilst swaddled in very nice hiking boots, huge backpacks, and those damned walking sticks. I only bring this fact up because the juxtaposition between us and all these folks was hilarious. Here we were with just our cameras, shorts, and Reef sandals.       These sandals are more meant for strolling through sand dunes and here we were walking over knobby roots, slick mud, and rocks that in reality weren't all that tough, yet required a certain degree of aptitude in walking. The trail is quite nice and enjoyable though. You feel like Indiana Jones (which happened to be filmed on the island) as you make your way down it and get the great views that line the path. We made it in about two miles to the Kalalau Beach, which really was uninteresting seeing as how it was some big boulders than rolled directly in to a five foot beach and thunderous surf that's killed nearly 100 people who tried to swim in it. Not wanting to spend the full day on a hike, we turned back at that point, just like the vast majority of people "hiking" the trail in their super gear.       Of course, we walked along and managed not to slip while at the same time, going faster than anyone else. I couldn't help but laugh at the "potential utility"* of all the Americans walking along. I imagined them getting ready for their trip and going to their nearest REI to get outfitted for their, "odyssey" in the wild island of Kauai. Naturally, REI loves to serve and outfitted they were.       While we got many an ugly stare at our sandals by many an ugly chubby face along the walk, the Americans were amazingly reserved in making any comments. It took a group of Spaniards (they always travels in groups) to notice that we were wearing sandals and tell us, "Oh no, you can't go ahead in sandals. It's too difficult!" I was waiting for an additional, "Surely you'll be killed!" which didn't come, but you can't ever get mad at Spaniards. They meant their warning in a truly concerned, albeit zealously cautious way, whereas if any of my countrymen said it, it would be to try and prove me wrong, because they and Callum at REI knew that you had to have $600 in hiking gear to cross the perilous Kalalau Trail, which in reality, you just don't. I mean hell, the people who used to live out there would carry fish and herd cattle along the damned thing and all without a retractable carbon filament walking pole. Natives knew their business, bitches.              * Potential Utility - The need of Americans to always have more than what they actually need so that they know it's there in case they need it, even though they won't. Examples include the Sport Utility Vehicle and Convertible Pants

Maui offered the chance to see a great many more chickens wandering around than I was was used to since my hippie parents stopped trying subsistence agriculture when I was a child. Once setting down in Kauai, the chicken issue grew exponentially. The buggers are literally everywhere. You'd think that you were in some kind of strange third world bazaar haggling one the price of a mule and tall sailing vessel, when in reality you're just driving along the highway, trying not to hit one of the damned birds.       As I saw flock upon flock of chickens bopping around, pecking the ground, I was curious if these guys were the equivalent of Hindu cows, or if they ever just "disappeared". I mean, there's a great deal of free food wandering around the island, so do people take advantage of it?       Of course, this problem also brings up the fact as to who actually owns these chickens? Sure, if they're near a house, then they are probably belonging to the folks there, but what about the ones that are in the national parks or kickin' it by the airport?       I suppose this ultimately isn't our problem as I'm not here long enough to deal with it and we really don't have the ability to cook a chicken in our "shitchen" where we're staying that can hardly even boil water. Just keep in mind that if you're wandering around Kauai, there are no snakes on the island and all that shuffling in the bushes is a hen and chicks scratching up lunch.

One of our last days in Maui consisted of hiking down in to the Haleakala Crater. It is basically the thing to see when visiting Maui because it dominates the entire eastern side of the island, being the top of the volcano that erupted to form 2/3 of Maui. No matter where you drive in eastern Maui, you are always driving around the base of it.       The drive up is just the slightest bit insane. Not because the road is treacherous, but more because you ascend so rapidly, going from zero feet sea level to 10,000 in a bit less than an hour, covering 38 miles of switchbacks. Once on the top, it is massively colder than down on the sea. We found it to be 30 degrees colder, seeing as how the beach was a nice 80 and the summit was about 50 with a wind chill. This may make it seem like you need to bundle up and cover yourself pretty well, but you only need to do that if you're just watching the sun rise up there, which has gotten to be a major attraction for this park. Seeing as how it would have meant our getting up at about 5AM, it didn't happen, but we did get up there in the early morning to get some good morning light for photos.       Hiking down in the crater is a bit formidable. The trail is good, but it is a steep decline and the "shifting sands trail" live up to its name. While I write this, my ankles are still hurting from all the minor twists that I had. Dressing warming once you walk down in to the crater really isn't needed. This place holds the sun and is considerably warmer than on the summit, thus the reason the name of it means, in Hawaiian, "the house of the sun".       We walked in too far. There are a number of trails that will test anyone due to how steep the walk it, as well as the sharp depletion of oxygen in the air due to the height. We followed in a trail about four miles, which may not seem like a lot, but it descends 2,500 feet and there is only one way back out of that, which is, a climb up of 2,500 feet. Slogging one mile vertically makes for a tough hike. I don't regret it though. I just needed a day of sitting on my ass in a whale watching boat to make up for it.       In the end, I would tell people to go to Haleakala park, but go early. One reason to get up there early is that you'll have the entire trail to yourself, which is quite amazing. The other reason is that the clouds start rolling in around noon, forcefully killing the view from all points, including inside the crater. Don't bother with all that REI and Northface crap. Just wear something comfortable, put on some trusty running shoes, and bring maybe a liter of water apiece at most. Also, unless you're a glutton for hiking punishment, only hike in about a half hour or maybe an hour at most. The hike back out is a killer and you don't feel it until you've turned you're third bend in the switchback going up and keep thinking, "Christ, we aren't there yet?!!" while your head pounds with a massive headache for lack of succulent, life-giving oxygen.

Hana Road in Maui has great praise heaped upon it by guidebooks. The main book of two that we've been using, a Fodor's edition calls it, "One of the most beautiful drives in the world." Obviously, it is often the case that most guidebook will overstate with all the flowery prose within reach to convince you to travel somewhere (which is why I prefer the slightly cynical tone of Rough Guides.) And it is the situation with the Hana Road, as it skirts the northeastern chunk of Maui that while it is an interesting trip at various points, it is not something that I would ever say you needed to see before you died. If you're in Maui, sure, make the effort and drive the road. Otherwise, just enjoy pictures others took.       Our drive out was tough. We had gotten up early, flown five hours, picked up a rental car, got groceries, and then were heading down the road in the later part of the day pretty exhausted. We we're exactly in the mood for a slow, twisting road, but we made the best we could of it, stopping along the way to check out waterfalls and other interesting points that our guidebook mentioned. But, the road is twisty, double backs on itself at various points, and has these one lane bridges and other chunks of the road that make the 55 mile trip take more than two hours.       It can be an enjoyable trip if you take it easy and want to do all the stops, but as far as its overall "beauty", it's just a lush road the gets more and more tropical as you get closer to Hana. There are a number of drives that I find to be more beautiful than this such as the Napa Valley 29, the A-1 from Split to Dubrovnik in Croatia, and nearly any chunk of the Pacific Coast Highway (Highway 1) from San Francisco to San Diego. While there are less attractions on these roads overall for their length, they are by far more scenic.       So, I guess it really comes down to what you're in to. If it's a bit of jungle-like scenery, with a few fruit stands, and some waterfalls, then Hana is for you. If it is more about just enjoying the drive, then it's probably not your thing. One tip I should add is that the hills and turns really burn up the gas, so having at least a half tank for the trip out is required. There is a gas station at the bottom end of Hana where you can fill up if you're a bit low.

I don't normally eat too much red meat. I don't know why I got on this kick, but it probably had to do with the fact that it's one of the least healthy meats you can eat in the US. Of course, every so often, I get a steak or a burger, if I know the meat is incredibly high quality, so I'm not adverse to it; I just don't make it a lifestyle.       For the current trip here in Hawaii, this has all changed. Why? Because the beef here is simply some of the best tasting meat that I've ever had. It's just succulent and full of flavor. It's like that that ad where they say, "Happy cheese comes from happy cows and happy cows are in California." Well, just think how happy a cow is for being in Hawaii. You can taste that happiness with each tasty bite.       So far, we've only had the beef offer in Maui and that may be the best. Whether it's a steak or a burger or a plate lunch in Lahaina, it's all damned good stuff. But, the fact that this is so good has even made me branch out a bit and I've been eating some fish as well because it has turned out to be really good as well. It is true that nothing is super cheap. For instance, lunch in a basic place is going to be a minimum of $8 a person without drinks, but for now, it's all worth it.       Oh, and happy 31st birthday to me!