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I've said it for awhile, but I'm going to make it official: The Winner of the Country for Worst Haircuts in Europe for 2007 is Spain. There, I said it and I mean it. And this is a tight race. There are a lot of bad haircuts that get popular in Europe and they're so bad that they never make it to the US. I'm hoping that this is the case for Spain.       There are a great many cuts that are tolerable. Girls seem to love to have that little ponytail with the kind of sloppy bangs that don't tuck in the ponytail. It's quasi hippy and if you see a girl with this cut anywhere in Europe, you know that she's Spanish. But then there are the girls that get these whacked up things that look like their boyfriend drunkenly abused them with a pair of scissors. But no, they pay good money ($70 and up) for what looks like what happens when a parent leaves their five year old child alone at home, only to come back and find that "helped out" by cutting their hair themselves.       Then we move on to the guys. Oy. Vey. Guys have taken being trendy to a whole new level. They spend just as much as the girls in Spain to get their hair cut, only to look twice as bad. There are some homohawks here and there, but these quickly drift in to the do-it-yourself, but actually done-by-someone-else cut that the girls have. It's this uneven thing that looks as if they ran out of money or called the stylist's mother a whore half way through the cut. I don't think you can even call it a haircut. But then, you actually can call it a haircut because there is the all time winner of bad haircuts: mullet with dreads. Guys get their hair cut in to a mullet on the top, but instead of having the waterfall down the back like Camaro owners like to home grow, they pay to get the length in the back turned in to dreads. Yes, it is as repulsive as it sounds. It looks like a cow crapped on their head, then they let it roll off the back and forgot about it for a few days at let it form in to what I call a dreadlet.       Now, everyone is free to do what they like with their hair. But the reason Spain gets the award of worst do for the year is because everyone is cutting their hair like this and paying scads of money that they don't have to get something that I can do at home for free. That my friends is just cultural blindness. I'm curious to see if this changes next year, but from what I've heard, and because of the slacker hippy ex-pats in Barcelona, it's been like this a good long time and it ain't changing anytime soon.

Oh sweet jesus. The dreadlocked white folk have arrived in the east of the Europe and I can't believe it. Sure, I realize that dreads are in Europe and that kockalocks are everywhere these days, but I was shocked to see them in a place like Belgrade. You'd think the other city dwellers would have the sense to knock some sense in to the guys doing this. I mean, the Roma living in shanty towns along the river there are cleaner than these guys.       Anyways, two wicked sightings that I came upon were a couple of girls at Kalemegdan in Belgrade twisting the foul locks of another kid. Okay, they're kids and I suppose they just don't know better. There is also the poser freshness of the kockalocks that is appealing in a place like Belgrade... I guess.       Then there was the quintessential locked white moron that I saw on the bus. You see, it was hot and man, things are tough when it's hot, so he took a big rubber band and made himself look like the top of an onion. It really went with his carnival worker balloon pants. It's really one of the most amazingly goofy things I've ever seen.       Once again, I bring this up because I find these things rather foul and I find the people that wear them to be some of the most ludicrous, in your face hypocrites in existence and most people are afraid to open their mouths because they think these are the real hippies who are doing good in the world and it's better to let them be. Just read my ever-growing piece of conceptual art in the comments section of the kockalocks link above and you'll see that the real hippies of the world don't have locks and are affecting change very well without being a stanky poser.

I've written about Caucasian Dreadlocks before. Maybe people find this article when searching for "how to dread" or "white dreads" or "why does everybody point at my hair and shake their heads?". Naturally joking about the last one, because as you can see in the comments section on that page, white folks who dread their hair are extremely insecure about it and feel like they have to prove me wrong in my opinions to validate their nappy choice. Some of the comments are funny because they even assume that I'm not white (and yes, I am) so I have no right to judge. In the big scheme of things, it's true, people have the freedom to do what they want, but so do I and I can state that I find this hairstyle and the lifestyle that is connected to it nearly 100% of the time to be completely asinine.       But, I am not here to simply bash the hairstyle with words. I am here to offer some visuals to illustrate my point. I think that the photo below is a perfect item. We have a fellow in Barcelona (where these types seem to congregate in large masses these days) who is wearing said dreadlocks for the white man. Check him out with his scraggly little beard, his scarf that is from some indigenous peoples somewhere, the dreads, and then the best part, a set of Armani glasses. Yeah, nice one. All hipped-out with glasses from a big fashion retailer, made in China by underpaid workers. I'm more of a humanitarian than this.