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Oh sweet jesus. The dreadlocked white folk have arrived in the east of the Europe and I can't believe it. Sure, I realize that dreads are in Europe and that kockalocks are everywhere these days, but I was shocked to see them in a place like Belgrade. You'd think the other city dwellers would have the sense to knock some sense in to the guys doing this. I mean, the Roma living in shanty towns along the river there are cleaner than these guys.       Anyways, two wicked sightings that I came upon were a couple of girls at Kalemegdan in Belgrade twisting the foul locks of another kid. Okay, they're kids and I suppose they just don't know better. There is also the poser freshness of the kockalocks that is appealing in a place like Belgrade... I guess.       Then there was the quintessential locked white moron that I saw on the bus. You see, it was hot and man, things are tough when it's hot, so he took a big rubber band and made himself look like the top of an onion. It really went with his carnival worker balloon pants. It's really one of the most amazingly goofy things I've ever seen.       Once again, I bring this up because I find these things rather foul and I find the people that wear them to be some of the most ludicrous, in your face hypocrites in existence and most people are afraid to open their mouths because they think these are the real hippies who are doing good in the world and it's better to let them be. Just read my ever-growing piece of conceptual art in the comments section of the kockalocks link above and you'll see that the real hippies of the world don't have locks and are affecting change very well without being a stanky poser.

I've written about Caucasian Dreadlocks before. Maybe people find this article when searching for "how to dread" or "white dreads" or "why does everybody point at my hair and shake their heads?". Naturally joking about the last one, because as you can see in the comments section on that page, white folks who dread their hair are extremely insecure about it and feel like they have to prove me wrong in my opinions to validate their nappy choice. Some of the comments are funny because they even assume that I'm not white (and yes, I am) so I have no right to judge. In the big scheme of things, it's true, people have the freedom to do what they want, but so do I and I can state that I find this hairstyle and the lifestyle that is connected to it nearly 100% of the time to be completely asinine.       But, I am not here to simply bash the hairstyle with words. I am here to offer some visuals to illustrate my point. I think that the photo below is a perfect item. We have a fellow in Barcelona (where these types seem to congregate in large masses these days) who is wearing said dreadlocks for the white man. Check him out with his scraggly little beard, his scarf that is from some indigenous peoples somewhere, the dreads, and then the best part, a set of Armani glasses. Yeah, nice one. All hipped-out with glasses from a big fashion retailer, made in China by underpaid workers. I'm more of a humanitarian than this.

Pretty awesome really. I've been doing this for over three years and finally someone gets pissed at me. What did this girl get pissed at you may ask? Yesterday's griping about Tom Ammiano? Nope. Dreadlocks and being a white person with them. Will her torrent of profanity make me rethink my stance on how digustingly lame I find these things? No. Not one bit. In fact, her complete craze about how we have a lot of the same feelings on things (environment, anti-consumerism, etc.) and shame on me for not seeing how "good" dreads are makes me realize one more facet about dreadlocks; they're a religion. Yeah, that's right I said it. A religion. Sure, you could say it's wrapped up in this whole rastafarian thing, but actually the white folk that grow them have got their own thing going on and I'm sure incredibly, radically, wickedly stoked not to be part of it.

They've pushed me too far finally and I've had to come up with a proper word. That's right, from now on, any idiot white person with those damned caucasian dreadlocks now has "kockalocks".       Yes, it's a foul word, but this is a foul thing. I've mentioned it before, say, here, here, and here. Needless to say, I don't like dreads and I don't like the people who where them. It's a choice that one decides upon and it's a ridiculous one at that. And when you toss in the fact that with a little bit of history they are in fact often a shown of resistance against the white man slave overlord or what have you, the fact that white morons have this mangy crap makes it even dumber.       Just to add more fuel to my "radical" theory about white folks with dreadlocks (in that any white person with dreads is the lamest idiot you can meet) I ran in to a guy in Berkeley with quite a mange. He was walking up from Bart on Center Street and playing with his mange while talking incredibly loudly on his cellphone. Like most of these idiots he was talking about all this worldly crap and instead of just using the English word he kept dropping in Spanish like he was cooler than cooler, despite being a rat-faced white guy. I thankfully managed to turn off another path to Dwinelle Hall and despite getting further and further away, I could still hear his idiot conversation despite there being 40 feet and a lot of trees between us. Such an idiot. Such a set of dreads.       I'll put forth my challenge (again) that if anyone is to find someone the least bit okay who is white and has dreadlocks, let me know. Otherwise my theory seems to quickly be entering the world of fact.